Page 57 of The Handoff

Chapter 30

Lisa

MomandNanhad been great, but it was clear that I had to go back to college. I said that I would be here for only two days. It’d turned into a week and, besides, staying was hard. I loved being on the farm, but the integration from Mom was getting too much for me. She wanted to know why I was back, if I needed more money and she just didn’t stop with all her questions.

“Lisa, we’re happy to have you here, but you have to talk!” Mom demanded as she came into my room. I turned to look at her, and then I turned to watch the tractor harvesting, my favorite time of day and year on the farm.

“You’re not eating…”

“I could do with losing some weight.”

I didn’t even realize that the words had left my mouth, until she came up to me, and sat by my side.

“Is this what this is about? The girls there are making fun of your weight?”

I shrugged, because it was a problem at one point, but I surpassed it. I just couldn’t tell her, Nan was cool. She just opened her arms to me when I came through the door, and mom did the same for the first night. Then after that, she’s been grilling me ever since, and if I didn’t know what was waiting for me back at college then I would have gone back by now.

“Mom. I need to go back to college,” I said. All of a sudden I felt brave, or maybe the fear of not graduating and telling her exactly what happened to me, made me feel sick.

I wasn’t raped, they didn’t hold me down against my will. I consented to sex, and even though I suspected that something wasn’t right I still went ahead with it with open arms. But they lied to me. A lie so deep that I felt exposed, as if I’d been walking naked in campus and everyone had been throwing things at me. That was the nightmare, I’d had ever since it all happened.

“I don’t get why you came home? You don’t talk to me. Sit in your room, I mean you haven’t even asked how’s your dad and if I’ve even seen him.”

I shifted past her, fed up of the interrogation and decided that I was going to get out of here as soon as possible.

She grabbed my hand, “We need to talk.”

I shook my head. “No, we don’t. Mom, you keep playing the same song. Speak to Dad. He’s still your father. He stole millions from people. Some of the people he stole from have killed themselves as a result of it. I mean they were veterans. I’ve listened to my roommate talk about them serving the country and then some monster taking it from them. Do you know how that makes me feel? Hearing it from the victims? The clothes. Money. They had their lives destroyed by what he did. You think that you know me so well. I shut up and listened as you told me that the only reason I haven’t spoken to him, is because I lost money. Money is nothing compared to what other people lost. He’s a liar, a thief and deserves to be locked up!”

She slapped me around the face. I felt the cold burn hit my skin so fast. I didn’t know what upset me more the slap or her reaction to my confession. Telling her the real reason that I didn’t want to know him should have made me feel relieved but it didn’t. I just felt the same way that the guys had made me feel.

“He’s still your father!” She screamed as she turned and faced the door, then headed down the stairs.

This time it was me running after her, thinking that there was no way that I was going to let her say the last word, as I ran after her.

“Yes. And I know that he’s not the only one that should be behind bars.”

“What?” she spat out.

“I know your dirty little secret. The fact that you knew all about his scheme. Shit, that you even went to some of the conferences and handed out flyers about not only the veterans being heroes, but Dad too. He’d come up with some scheme, just for them. Not the government, but him. I know that you knew exactly what he was doing and you stood by his side.”

She started to laugh as her dark eyes and matching dark hair no more was perfectly composed, but she looked wild, as if she was about to lose her mind. I’d seen her do it too many times to know what it meant.

“You spoiled rich girl. You were his little girl, then as soon as the going got tough, you ran. Ran like the wind to college and now look at you. Running back. What happened this time? Did your boyfriend dump you once he found out the truth about you?”

I let go of her hand, realizing that I didn’t need her to confess to me what I already knew. I’d heard her talk to the lawyer. I heard her tell him to make sure that she never went down with dad. He’d covered for her, made sure that she was innocent, but they were both sick, and part of me didn’t just hate Dad, but her too.

“No, but I want to know if it’s true…” Nan said as she waited at the bottom of the stairs. She’d been listening and no doubt I’d let the worms out of the can. I needed to get out of here. It was true, and I could see with the tears were swelling in Nan’s eyes that she knew just as much as I did.

***

Nan shoved money in my hand, as I got on the bus back to university. I told her that I sold one of the purses, she said that if I’d sold it so quickly then I should take the money. I counted it on the bus, it was a couple of hundred, which covered the bus ticket and hopefully covered me for the rest of the week. I just had to hope that I still had my job at the library. I lied and told them that a family member was sick, I just hope that they didn’t give my job away. I called a couple of times to say that I would be back soon. They told me not to worry, but like whenever someone says that there’s only one thing left to do and that’s to worry some more.

For some reason, leaving the farm made me feel even better. It was my sanctuary, but I realized that as much as I hated to admit it, Mom was right. I ran to the farm with no hesitation before mom officially moved there, just because I couldn’t deal with the press or my parents. Mom knew from the moment Dad didn’t get out on bail that things were going to turn sour and she’d been hiding her tracks ever since. I remembered one time hearing her on the phone to the lawyer and wondering if she’d planned on leaving Dad and had guarded herself against it. Paranoia and lack of confidence kicks in when your world is turned completely upside down.

Now, I’d exposed Mom, I should have felt shit, knowing that Nan would probably kick her out as a result of it. But the way Mom slapped me and the realization that I’d been hiding Mom’s secret for so long, made me realize that I was no better than Dane, Daxon and whatever his name is. I’d been doing the same thing to the one person that had shown me nothing but kindness since the first day I met him.

I headed to my dorm room once I got off the bus. I had to dump my bag, grab my books and head to class. The reality of it all was that I was tired. Exhausted and the parents that I used to love and adore had suddenly drowned out of my life. I could have stuck around to find out what would happen between Mom and Nan, but I was too tired. Too ashamed about hiding the secret in the first place.

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