Page 37 of Nanny for the SEALs

17

Katie

Shit, shit and shit.

We came back at seven, and Pete said he had to get some rest since he had a potential contract job. Being back here was completely different to being in the hotel. I had to get the twins fed, changed, and ready for their morning walk.

After having a shower and getting changed, I was ready to go when I saw Pete standing by the elevator.

“I thought you were sleeping?”

He yawned. “I was. The nanny kept me up all night.”

I giggled and blushed, thinking I was worried about us getting back to the penthouse and things going back to the way things were, but this was the opposite. Not only does he seem to want to spend time with me, but he was just as keen as when we were back in the hotel.

I wrapped my arms around him and he didn’t move away. His strong musk scent tingled my nose as I closed my eyes for a brief second.

“Maybe we should go lie down for a while. Does that sound good?”

I nodded, then shook my head. “No, I need to go check on the twins. I’m acting as if I’m on vacation.”

He smiled. “You are. I spoke to Rick,” he jerked my hand as we walked in the direction of his room, “he said that he’s at the club. The twins are with Aunt Elizabeth, so you have the weekend for yourself. Come Monday morning, it’s back to work. We are going to relax and I’m going to take care of you.”

I stopped in my tracks. No one had ever wanted to take care of me, like ever. I felt as if this was all too good to be true. “Take care of me?”

“Yeah.” He yanked my arm so we could keep moving. “You just seem as if you have trust issues, as if you have never fully relaxed—even when we were together and I was assuring you that it’d all be alright.”

“I’m not that bad,” I said, a little defensive as we arrived in his room, and I crossed my arms.

“I didn’t mean to push a button. It’s just that between what happened with Ben, it’s almost as if there was nothing in your life apart from him. You have a BFF and you don’t even seem interested in connecting with her. You said you sent her a text, but all this time, you haven’t seen her in a gig? I understand that you were working so much now, but Rick would give you time off. Even the time he did give, you wanted to come back to work. Thinking you had been away too long.”

I said nothing, waiting for him to get it all off his chest.

“Even when I asked you about your family, you completely clammed up, then jumped back in about Ben.”

“You asked about my ex?”

He shook his head. “No. I asked about you. What you’re interested in? What you liked to do? I want to know everything about you, but it’s like…”

“There’s nothing to know, right? Well, you know now, I don’t feel like sleeping or resting? I think I’ll go and get a book and something and read in my room.”

I ignored his pleading for me to turn around and for us to discuss it. I hated to admit the idea of what he said was true. I knew whenever he did ask me about what I did in my free time or something, Ben did come up in conversation.

Was Ben really my shell?

Now that he was out of the picture, there was nothing to me. I’d become one of those women I’d hated for so long. I’d seen other girls do it back in high school, but it never dawned on me that I was no better than them. I was trying so hard to hold back the tears and to not think about the words Pete had said, the truth, the one that was hurting so much.

I took out my phone from my pocket and started to go through my pictures. All I could find were the few that were taken when we first arrived in L.A.—houses of the rich and famous tour, the Sunset Strip, Venice Beach, landmark museums, world-famous theme parks. We did all those things in our first month, before I started working, and that was over three years ago. Since then, I’d not taken any photos with him. I saw family photos, but only with him. I would be in a couple of selfies, but everything had been about Ben. How had I been so blind?

I remember Mom warning me, telling me not to follow him to L.A.. Dad died when I was young, and Mom was a teacher, so I was home most of the time alone. The only reason I fell into Ben’s arms was because he paid attention to me. He seemed to want me. The little friends I had disappeared as time went by, and I ended up only hanging out with him or his friends.

It was staring at me in color as I trolled through years of photos. I slumped down on the door, feeling defeated and weak. I’d never realized until Pete pointed it out. He was only helping, but then maybe he could have been sensitive to the whole thing. Then again, maybe he never knew.

Fuck!

I just came across as one fucked-up, stuck-up chick telling him he was out of order. I sobbed as I started to delete the photos. This had to be a new beginning, a better one—one which truly didn’t include Ben, and only involved me.

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