Page 63 of Nanny for the SEALs

“Why hadn’t I thought about this?”

She took my arm and spun me around, to stop me from pacing up and down the room and to make sense, or at least speak to her.

“Ben and I hadn’t had sex for weeks. He said I smelled, worked too much, I wasn’t attractive, you name it.”

“Enough about Ben already.”

“Anyway, I ran out of pills and decided it was another expense, so I stopped. I mean, this was like six months ago. I came here was too scared and worried the guys would find out about me lying.”

I nodded, letting her take in all the information, because I told her over the phone the truth, the reason how I’d become a nanny in the first place.

“Then I was too worried about being kicked out. Then, I spent time getting into a routine with the twins, but then I ended up being blackmailed by Stan, and I was worried about the guys finding out the truth, and if they learned it, they would want me out. Every single day, I’d been panicking about it, then I found out they knew. So, then I ended up thinking I was in a relationship with Pete. Then, we had the crazy row and he left. All of this happened in the short space of four months, I didn’t think for one minute about the pill. I mean, I told them I was on the pill, but being on it and not taking it are two different things. What a fool I’ve been. What am I going to do?”

She sighed. “Sweet girl. Why didn’t you just come home? You put yourself through all this stress, and I don’t understand why, or why you are so stubborn.”

I waved my finger at her. “I remember Nan saying you were not much different when you were younger. You were pretty stubborn yourself.”

Even though my time with Ben was a lot less to do with me being stubborn and just wanting to get away.

“I had to get away from the house. After Dad died, something in me died. I didn’t realize how much of me died until it was too late, and I was chasing after Ben and living a life in which I felt I didn’t want to live anymore.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You going to tell the boys then? Or do you want to wait a bit?”

I took a deep breath. Now was the perfect opportunity to go out and find out if what Mom suspected was true—if I really was knocked up. I wouldn’t even know what to do if I was.

I grabbed her hand. “Mom?”

“What is it? You look scared?”

I inhaled so deep, I didn’t want to let it out or let go of her hand.

“What if they don’t want to know. I mean, they have twins. We were in San Fran only a couple of weeks ago, and we agreed to us being a foursome. I mean, this is a bit much. More babies. Who needs more babies?”

“What do you mean? That’s my grandchild you’re talking about. One thing hasn’t changed for sure, you’re still panicking for no reason. The way those guys look at you, I’m pretty sure if they know you’re carrying their child, they’ll welcome him or her with open arms. You said they’ve gone out right?”

I nodded, feeling too speechless to speak.

“Let’s go to the pharmacy, get a test, and confirm what I already know.”

Again, I nodded, thinking Mom had come here to celebrate Thanksgiving, not have to deal with all this drama.

“You ready to leave?”

I nodded, taking deep breaths, thinking about the yoga classes that I said I would start. I needed to get my emotions under check, but I was crying and panicking like crazy—the same thing I did whenever I was on my period. Mom was right; I didn’t need a test to confirm what we both already knew. I was pregnant; I didn’t know who was the daddy, and I didn’t even know if it mattered. They’d just been reunited with Stan, and this could be the thing to bring the storm back into the penthouse.

Mom was right, one step at a time. I had to confirm that I was pregnant, and what came next would have to be figured out.

* * *

We both satin the bedroom, the one where Mom had confirmed I could be pregnant. The one I used to sleep at night, fantasizing about Rick and Pete, until the fantasy became a reality and I moved into Rick’s room. I came here with only one bag—the bag had grown so much in the span of a few months—and I worried I would have to find a new place to stay if I was pregnant.

“Do you want me to go in the bathroom with you?” Mom said as she held the test.

It was nuts. I refused to pick it up from the pharmacy, as if holding it in my hands would make it real. It didn’t make a difference, but as I recited a hundred times in my head, I shouldn’t be pregnant right now. I didn’t feel sick and somehow, I’d managed to convince myself I had some fake pregnancy signs.

I shook my head, then she shoved the test into my hand.

I stood looking at her, practically crying, and I hadn’t even peed, let alone peed on the stick.

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