Page 39 of Nanny for the SEALs

Ben left me penniless and used me, and he shouldn’t have a say about how he feels about anyone; he didn’t even deserve any love, let alone mine.

“Sorry, I’m boring you Katherine. So, tell me about things. How’s things with Ben? Is he in a new movie yet?”

A tear escaped my eye as I remembered the lie I’d told her the last time I did speak to her.

“I told you we were at a celebration party. Now, I remember… because Ben had finally got his big break.”

I started to sob quietly.

“Yeah, you said some big shot director saw him by chance. I can’t remember the full story, but then, it was the break he needed and you could quit waitressing, and it was all about signing the contract and getting the right deal. I thought I hadn’t heard from you because you were out with the big shots. Who would remember someone like me?” She sighed, probably feeling sorry for having such a quiet life.

“Mom, why would you say that about yourself?”

She chuckled. “I’m just a medium-sized town math teacher. No one gets excited about us. Not even me on a good day.”

“It was a lie.” I didn’t hold back. “Everything I told you about our lives here was a lie.”

The words were rolling out uncontrollably as soon as I started, and I couldn’t stop. I told her about my life. I didn’t feel ashamed about it, and for some crazy reason, saying it out loud confirmed what I’d already knew. I had to move on and let it all out, otherwise I would feel nothing but regret about pretending to be someone I used to be a long time ago.

Confident.

Full of life.

Kind.

Considerate.

Since I’d been with Ben, there was only one word which would sum me up in a nutshell and that was selfish.

“I’ll book my flight. I’ll come and get you!” I could imagine her fluttering around, trying to figure out what to pack, how to tell the school she needed time off, and how to arrange everything. As much as I wanted to see her, I knew I couldn’t.

“Mom, I’m fine. I told you, I’m working as a nanny and besides, it’s where I need to be right now.”

She cried, “No one judges you for the past. No one thinks of anything that happened back then as you. They know it’s all him.”

I stuttered, “That’s sweet, Mom, but you must let me take some of the responsibility. I am an adult. I did know what I was doing. Ben didn’t hold a gun to my head or anything.”

“No! Just his hands around your neck!”

The memory which flashed through my mind made me drop the phone on the bed. I remembered the one time Mom begged me to leave Ben. She said things were getting out-of-hand, and instead of listening to her, I ran off with the man. He never squeezed tight enough to physically harm me, but the intention was there. I saw it in his eyes as he moved away from me. In his stare as he cut his eyes at me, and at Mom, as if she’d disturbed something I completely deserved. I told her we never got rough physically—another lie. All I ever did was lie about my relationship with Ben.

“Yes, he did. I know, but I need time. Time to remember who I used to be, what I want to be, and to adjust to that in the future. I’ll talk to Rick, my boss, and see if I can have you visit. He’s really nice and I’m sure he’ll be up for that. What do you think? Maybe the holidays? You could come here for Thanksgiving, what do you say?”

“I mean, I could. You wouldn’t need to ask your boss. I could rent a room, and we could spend the holidays together like we used to do when your dad was around.”

It was two months and counting, and the idea put a smile on my face. I was ready to face the world, including Pete and Rick. I wanted to catch up some more with Mom and figure out where she could stay. Having Mom around and being with someone who truly loved me excited me. She giggled as she told me about her next date with Ken. I didn’t know what made me feel better, having everything out in the open or hearing that for the first time in a long time, my mom was truly happy.

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