Page 62 of King Elijah (The Zemiran Chronicles 2)

“Well,” she said. “Your father was an ass.” She smiled.

Elijah chuckled to himself. “Part of the reason I’ve always tried to distance myself from him and his memory.”

That was something, at least, she thought.

Janelle’s eyebrows pinched, moving closer toward the center of her forehead. “But you’re king of the most powerful country in our world. It’s expected that you’ll find a queen to help carry on your royal bloodline.”

He frowned. It was clear Elijah loathed being told what to do and what the expectations of him were.

“Do you not worry that you’ll become more like your father the more you’re forced to follow in his footsteps?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I haven’t met the right woman. Not that I don’t sleep with them.” A wide grin broadened across his features. Elijah appeared proud of his conquests, not at all concerned about the trail of broken-hearted women who had lain with him. It made it difficult for her stomach not to lurch. The trail of women who had been allowed to touch his body. If that was jealousy, she didn’t like it one bit. But then he continued. “It always leaves me feeling a lonely void, but it’ll be for love if I marry. I don’t believe in politics in marriage, Janelle. That’s what happened to my father and my mother. They were miserable together, and it made my brother and me miserable as well. I don’t want to continue that wheel of suffering.”

Janelle shook her head. “I don’t want children, either, but for different reasons,” she said. Hers were reasons that a king probably wouldn’t understand. The way they had lived was too different.

“And why’s that?”

At least he’s curious, she thought. That’s also something.

“Our world is shit,” she said instantly.

Elijah let out a laugh. “You’re not wrong.”

She shifted her body to face him. “I love fighting too much. The desire to put my armor on and protect those who cannot defend themselves. I . . . I know little about my mother, but what I do know is that she couldn’t defend herself even if she tried. If I brought a child into this world, they would have to watch me die because I’m willing to sacrifice myself for my people over being a parent. There is no way I could carry a child and expect to love them and keep them safe, all the while still willing to go to war.” She turned on her back and stared at the ceiling. “Kieran will take me and force me to do everything I swore I wouldn’t. I’m perfectly aware that these are the last few days of my freedom. After this, it’s nothing but what Kieran wants to take from me, in whatever way he wants to take it. Until I die, or he tires of me enough to kill me.”

His expression was unreadable. She was desperate to know what he was thinking, but no flicker of movement was on his face. She could only see him studying her as he pieced together whatever he wanted to say next.

“I did a spell once to make sure I can’t have children,” he said quietly, almost in a whisper. “So, just ask if you ever want me to ensure it never happens to you.”

She nodded slowly, but her mind tried to grasp the reality of it all. Having a child with Kieran would destroy her because then that child would be raised by a monster, and it would be her fault for not fighting harder to stop it.

Before she could respond, as if he sensed her discomfort, he said, “I’m sorry I kissed you earlier. I shouldn’t have done that. It won’t ever happen again.”

His voice was soft, and something about his tone made Janelle feel a pang of sadness in her chest.

She could still feel the phantom press of his lips against hers, even as she opened her mouth to agree.

Elijah cleared his throat.

“Are you going to fight Kieran or roll over and let him dictate what happens to you next?” he said.

How dare he? she thought, pressing her mouth into a thin line. It wasn’t her choice, and he damned well knew it. It again sparked her irritation and did more to pull her mind away from that kiss’s memory.

“I loathe Kieran,” she said, her voice low and deadly. It was her battle voice. “At first, I felt obligated to him after he confessed his feelings toward me. I thought about how he and his family gave me a home. They helped me learn to fight better when I no longer had my brother. I was too afraid to go back to the Eastland Forest. Cassia would have thrown me to the trolls because I would have never stopped trying to rescue him from that prison or kill her as an act of revenge for what she did to him. Kieran knew my weakness—Aiden. Once he dangled my brother’s life in front of me, I had to make a choice.”

It wasn’t really a choice, she thought. Anyone who thought otherwise had no idea. Aiden was all she had, and she had lost him.

“Kieran watched me closely, waiting for me to become a woman. He never made a secret of his feelings. I used to want it, too, until I saw how cruel he truly was. The older I got, the more I understood how wrong and frightening he was.”

“Then why not kill him?” he asked.

“Because he has magic, and I don’t. If I try and fail, Aiden is dead. No matter how much they trained me, I’m not strong enough to turn around and kill him. At least, not now. But I will be someday, and then he will get what’s coming for him.”

Elijah’s brows drew together. “You’re not giving yourself to that monster,” he said.

“Yes, Elijah. I am.” Janelle turned away from him and looked up to the ceiling. If he thought there was another way, he would’ve said so already. This was posturing. This was asserting his authority because he could, but without the action to back it up, it meant nothing. “If he takes Aiden, it will only be to trade me, to put me under his thumb. So yes, I’ll play the doting wife and mother until the time is right. Then I’ll rip his throat out, take whatever children he gave me, and find us a place we can live freely. A new place to call home.”

Janelle realized she’d planned more of her future in her mind than she had thought.

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