Page 85 of The Crush Next Door
L7
All night, Josh cared for me, fed me, kept me company. Those words he said—I've got you—they absolutely took my breath away. No one had ever said that to me. Ever. Not even the man I was supposed to marry. And the feeling was indescribable, like someone in this world actually had me.
For a long time, we lay there, Josh holding me, soothing me, even miraculously absorbing some of my pain. I might have dozed. I felt so safe, so warm, as if nothing could hurt me if I just stayed like that.
But nothing could last forever.
So eventually, when I heard Josh's stomach growl, I insisted that we get up to eat, not that I was hungry in the least. But Josh ended up being rather persistent himself and coaxed me to eat some toast, the only thing I could stomach, plus a little tea.
I kept telling him he didn't need to baby me, that I would be okay, but he insisted on helping me and staying with me, bringing Magic over as well.
While they were there, it didn't hurt as much. I didn't feel so all alone in this endless universe. Josh even insisted on sleeping over, on the couch of course. I wanted to invite him into the bed again, but I couldn't handle any kind of rejection. So I didn't ask.
But things were a little strange between us suddenly, like this weird tension now that we'd shared that intimate moment. I supposed we'd crossed some kind of line with our very passionate kiss and then Josh's confession that he wanted me to want him.
Or maybe it was just that we needed to discuss it all perhaps. And neither of us had the guts to bring it up. I knew why I didn't want to talk about it. I was scared shitless, totally embarrassed at how quickly I was ready to sleep with Josh, moments after breaking up with my fiancé. I mean, who did that?
What must he think of me?
So in the morning, I was more than okay with going to work and also in desperate need of some time with Anaya. I needed my best friend.
With Magic dancing at the front door, Josh said goodbye to me quickly, flashing me a hesitant smile and leaving before I even had a chance to respond.
Great. Fantastic.
Now things were going to be totally awkward between Josh and me?
Until that exact moment, I hadn't realized how much I relied on Josh, how much he'd crept into my everyday life, making it not so everyday, not so mundane. He'd been there, always, since I moved in, never flaking on me, never making plans and then backing out.
Every night, he brought over Magic. Every night, he still knocked on our shared wall. Not only was he there for me consistently, but he was the only person on the planet who listened to me, truly, when I spoke about my dad.
My phone buzzed, and I saw it was Kirsten checking on me, making sure I was okay.
And I was okay.
Sure, I was pissed. I was still deeply upset with Devon. I was also so incredibly humiliated to have to tell people.
That was maybe the worst part, especially because people close to me wouldn't be satisfied with a pat answer like, "Oh, we grew apart," or, "It just didn't work out."
Nope. I'd have to actually tell quite a few loved ones—my mom, my brother, my grandparents, my close friends—that my fiancé had cheated on me with the wedding planner. Ugh, it was still hard to believe.
Anaya would be the first person I'd have to confide in, seeing that we already had a lunch date set up at Nate 'n Al's.
As I walked into the crowded restaurant after work, I spotted her right away saving a booth for us. One look at my face while I sat down across from her, and she knew something was up.
"Oh, my God, what is it?" she asked, staring at me wide-eyed.
"What? How can you tell?"
"I've known you since like forever. Come on. Just tell me what happened."
I held out my left hand, showing her my ringless finger, trying not to remember the day not too long ago when I'd done the same exact thing, only that time showing off my new bling.
"Oh, no," she cried. "What on earth happened?"
Clamping my lips together, trying to suppress the swell of emotion at her sympathetic tone, I leaned forward in my seat, also attempting to preserve a little bit of my wounded pride.
"Devon fucked the wedding planner," I whispered.
