Page 93 of Firsts

“Oh, how’d you guess?” I hit back sarcastically.

He groans while sitting up. “I’m sorry. It was stupid.”

“This is why it’s hard to let you in my life.” I throw my hands up. “You can’t fucking get it together. I mean, a drunken bar fight? Then calling your son to bail you out? Are you ever going to change?”

He bows his head and rubs the back of his neck. “It was stupid. I know. I’m trying, Reid. I swear.”

“I’ve been hearing that since I was a kid.”

He snaps his eyes to me. “Look, I didn’t have the best example of a father either. I don’t know how to be the perfect one for you.”

“I don’t need you to be perfect!” I yell at him and rake my hand through my hair. “I just needed you to be there. You neglected me for your damn gigs, drinking buddies, and random women. Then when everything caught up, you gave me away for a stupid new guitar.”

He flinches and jumps up from the bed. “I didn’t do it for the guitar or the debt. I did it for you. To let you have a better life. Helena gave you everything I couldn’t and would never have. Reid…” He drags his hand down his face. “I’m sorry I hurt you so much. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a good Dad. But I love you, and I swear I’ll do better.”

I sputter a sarcastic laugh. “Right. Like tonight?”

“It won’t happen again,” he promises.

“I’ve heard that before, too.” I expel a razor-sharp breath and splay my hands. “You know what? This is it. I’m done.”

His eyes wilt along with the slumping of his shoulders. “Come on, Reid. Don’t shut me out.”

“I gave you too many chances. I’m depleted. Don’t call me again, Barry.” I leave him with that and storm out of the studio.

It’s not until I take off in my car that I release the constraints in my chest and allow the tears to fall.

I knew he’d never change. I fucking knew it.

And yet I still set myself up for disappointment because I wanted him in my life.

Well, lesson fucking learned.

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