Page 102 of Secret Obsession

39

Hawk

WithLilainmyarms, I ignored the ache in my body. “How did my crew know where I was?”

Lila laughed and told me about Nana’s attempt at communicating cryptic messages to Leo, then gave me a play-by-play of everything that happened afterward.

“You left out the part before the phone call,” I said gently. “I need to know, Lila. What happened after I lost consciousness?”

She stiffened in my arms. “I’ll tell you later. You need to rest.”

“Should I call Nana in here to tell me?”

“Ugh, fine. You win. Butch is tied up in the other room. And Fiona’s no longer alive.”

Fiona was dead. Who had killed her? Nana? Lila? Did they subdue her and wait for my crew? “Christ, woman, you’re torturing me. Just tell me. What. Happened?”

She finally gave in and told me vaguely, but I probed her with so many questions that she ended up telling me everything in detail.

Acid burned in my throat. Lila had killed someone, and it was all my fault. I’d ruined her. Made her do something so heinous she’d probably be traumatized for life.

I tightened my grip around her. “I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. New rule. No more apologies for a week.”

How was she sounding so normal? Was she repressing all her trauma? I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to her. But first… “We should get out of here. Away from the bodies and the blood. It’s going to take my crew a while to clean up.”

“You do remember that I’m a doctor, right? I’ve spent years around dead bodies, dissecting them.”

Why was she making light of this situation? Was she minimizing what happened so I wouldn’t feel bad?

I propped myself on one elbow, the pain piercing my back and neck. I suppressed a wince. “This is different—”

She gently pushed me back onto the mattress. “Besides, we can’t move you. It’s too soon. It’ll open up your stitches.”

I hadn’t regained enough strength yet. If there was a backlash from the rest of the Devil’s Eyes MC, I wouldn’t be strong enough to protect her in this state. How many of them were left? I wasn’t sure. “Then you and Nana should go—”

“Stop it, Hawk. We went through this last night. Nothing has changed. I love you. I’m staying at your side. Your world and my world have collided, and we survived. Together. Our lives are now intertwined, and you can’t pull them apart.”

She was right. I had sucked her into my darkness. And she was still as breathtakingly beautiful as ever. The beauty in the darkness, like her name.

I used to think I could leave all the bad shit behind, but I always knew deep down there was never any out. Even if I walked away from it all, it would drag me back in, kicking, burning everything that I cherished in its wake.

Leaving to lead a normal life with Lila would make things worse for both of us. I’d lose my connections. My reputation. My power. Everything I needed to keep her safe.

That’s what had happened last night. I left my world for a weekend, and we both had nearly died. “I’ll always be what I am. A leader of a major crime organization. I can never be anything else.”

There, I said it. She might have hoped I would turn my life around for her. I would have, but I couldn’t. She needed to face reality. No amount of therapy to convince me I was deserving of love would change the fact that I was bound to a life of evil. My only escape would be death. And I sure as fuck wasn’t ready for that.

“I know. I’ve never asked you to quit…or change. And I never will. But I will make it my life’s mission to love you, Hawk. And to prove to you every day that you deserve my love.”

My heart fractured into tiny pieces, knowing that her desire to love me had and would bring her so much pain.

“If you stay with me, there will always be threats. Something like last night could happen again.”

“If I was afraid of death, I would have never done my residency at a drug rehabilitation center in one of the scariest cities in New Jersey. I had a knife held to my throat at least once a month. I could have died many times over before I met you.”

She palmed my cheek. “I’ve made my choice. I choose you, Hawk. All of you. A life with you and all the good and bad it will bring with it.”

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