Page 25 of The British Bastard

Chapter Nine

Alex

Last night, I lied to Catriona. Well, it was more like I sort of obfuscated the truth. She must've suspected I had done that, though she held back from questioning me about it. I don't like keeping anything from Cat, but I cannot tell her the truth. Too much is at risk if I share everything with her. Maybe I should end our relationship and move away to a place where she can't find me.

Christ, what am I doing? Running away is not the answer. I haven't done anything illegal by taking a trip to Fernley without notifying Cat of my plans. Lying to her about it… That makes me feel like insects have burrowed deep under my skin. She isn't sure of what she saw. All I can do is hope the incident has faded from her memory by the time I fly to Nevada this weekend to see her.

If she remembers, she doesn't say anything. We enjoy a lovely Sunday together before I leave her.

When she finally comes home, everything goes back to normal. I've escaped by a hair this time, but I know one day she will realize the truth about me. This year, next year, or not until we're in our sixties. However long it takes, I know I can't avoid my past forever. Yes, I am a coward. A better man would tell her everything now.

It's too dangerous.

The months roll by, and soon even I've forgotten about that day in Fernley. All right, maybe I sort of think about it once in a while, but that doesn't mean I feel guilty. An important date arrives, taking my mind off whatever things I might have possibly worried about briefly now and then. I make plans to celebrate the occasion with Cat. I track her down in the university library. How do I know exactly where she is in this enormous building? I rang her mobile to find out. She didn't even ask why I wanted to know, or why I asked her to stay right where she is. She trusts me. I try not to consider the implications of that as I wend my way through the library to a corner on the lowest level which lies half underground. When I catch sight of her, I stop to admire the view.

Catriona stands on a wheeled ladder in an aisle between freestanding shelving units, stretching her body up in an attempt to reach the top shelf. She balances on her tiptoes with one arm outstretched. Her posture makes her shirt ride up, exposing her lower belly.

I come up behind her and palm her arse with both hands. "Careful, darling. You might fall."

Cat glances down at me and smiles. "Alex. What are you doing here?"

"Surprising you. Though I would've thought you'd guess my intentions when I rang to ask where precisely you were."

"I did wonder." She gives up on reaching whatever book she wanted and shimmies around to face me, leaning against the ladder. "Give me a hand?"

"Of course." I grasp her around the waist and pluck her off the ladder, setting her down on the carpeted floor. "No book is worth breaking your neck for."

She touches her lips to mine. "I wasn't going to break my neck. But you're so sweet to worry."

I slide an arm around her waist, pulling her snugly against me. "Do you know what today is?"

"Tuesday."

"Yes, but what else?"

She shrugs.

I cup her cheek in my hand. "It's our anniversary."

"Anniversary? Donnae understand."

"We met one year ago today." I reach behind my back to pluck an item out of my waistband. I hold up a single yellow rose for Cat to see. "This is for you, love. I've had you in my life for one full year, and I mean to demonstrate my gratitude for that fact."

"It's really been a year? Seems like just a few days ago when I saw you on that bench." She teases the hairs at my nape with her fingers. "I'm grateful for you too."

"We need to celebrate our anniversary. And I know exactly how to do that."

"Do you want to go back to the restaurant where we had our first date?"

"No." I back her up to the shelves, then place my mouth over her ear. "I mean to fuck you right here."

"In the library? We cannae do that, Alex."

"Of course we can." I reach into my trouser pocket and bring out a condom packet. "I'm fully prepared."

She glances side to side without moving her head. "We cannae."

I slide a hand down her thigh until I feel the hem of her skirt. "We can, and we will. Right now. Can you honestly tell me you don't want this as much as I do?"

---