Page 52 of The I Do Over

ChapterNine

“The best feeling in the world is knowing that you actually mean something to someone.”

Unknown

One of the most important things Maddie had learned about herself was what to do when she was overwhelmed to avoid going completely over the edge. Talking to a therapist once a week helped and so did practicing some self-care in the form of taking a hot bath, going for a massage, or turning off her phone and reading a good book.

She did all of that by Wednesday afternoon.

Now, as she was driving to Raleigh on Friday afternoon, she considered how she was going to share with Knox exactly how she was feeling and what she needed.

Thinking about the first time she’d gone to his house and the wild sex they had and how it happened again when he came to hers seemed to be setting them up for a pattern.

A satisfying pattern, but one that they really needed to maybe not lean so heavily on.

Making love with Knox was thrilling and satisfying and always made her feel good, but she meant what she said to him at the farmer’s market—she loved the quiet simplicity too. They already knew they were physically compatible. What they really needed to see was if they worked on other, more fundamental levels. After all, they could only spend so much time in bed.

Anyone could have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship, but after a while, she imagined you’d need more.

And right now, that’s what she needed.

More.

Because of their history, things already had the tendency to be a little volatile. He’d told her to call him out on his behavior and she knew he’d do the same for her, but she was beyond curious about how they’d be when they settled into being a couple. There was bound to come a time when it wouldn’t be all about sex—or one of them simply wouldn’t be in the mood—and she wanted to know that there was something substantial there; she wanted to know that they could be happy and content to maybe have a quiet or boring weekend together or that they didn’t always have to be looking for something to entertain each other.

An image of them sitting on opposite ends of the sofa where they were each reading a book and a fire was roaring in the fireplace came to mind. It was simple and the epitome of low-key and yet…that would make her happy.

But would that be enough for Knox?

He’d spent fifteen years as a Navy SEAL and had shared a lot of stories with her about his career, and she had to wonder if he missed the action, the adrenaline rush. The security firm kept him busy, and they did a lot of high-stress simulations, but even Maddie knew that it wasn’t the same. The outcome was already somewhat mapped out and scripted, so…he knew it wasn’t real.

How happy was he going to be with someone like her? There were definitely some deep feelings between them still. She was afraid to say they were still in love—it had been far too long—but she felt safe in saying they had a deep affection for each other. Back when they were in high school, they both wanted a quiet life. They used to talk about how awesome it would be to do some of the simplest things, like having a garden or inviting their parents over for Sunday dinners.

She had a feeling that was never going to happen.

Especially with her parents.

This week had been more than a little exhausting with her mom. She went through spells like this and there didn’t seem to be any warning or any triggers. At least none that Nora noticed. But Maddie had spent a lot of time on the phone with her mother’s care team and doing research and trying to navigate this disease and how to handle situations like this.

Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be any real solutions because every case was unique and all everyone kept telling her was that she needed to understand how her mother’s moods could swing drastically and that Maddie needed to just be patient and try not to get upset.

“Well, I am upset, dammit,” she muttered as she got off the exit that would take her to Knox’s house. The last thing she wanted was to be all tense and angry and upset when she saw him, but…this is what went with being in an adult relationship, right? Sometimes one of you was in a bad mood and that was okay. They weren’t kids anymore and, as such, they should be able to handle things like this.

It all sounded good in her head, but when she pulled into his driveway and he came out to greet her, she felt like she was ready to cry.

Dammit…

Opening her door for her, Knox held out his hand and seemed to notice that something was off. “Maddie? What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Though they’d never come out and talked about it, she had a feeling that Knox wouldn’t be particularly sympathetic toward anything concerning her folks. She didn’t blame him, but right now, she really needed to know that he wasn’t going to be closed-minded or indifferent.

Climbing from the car, she hugged him. “It’s just been a difficult week.” She’d shared some of it with him when they spoke on the phone, but she didn’t quite tell him everything. “I hope you don’t mind, but I gave Babette your phone number as a backup in case she couldn’t reach me. You know, if there’s an emergency.”

“Babette?”

“My assistant.”

“Not a problem. Come on,” he said softly. “Let me grab your bag and we’ll go inside and relax. I already have the wine ready to pour and I’m making us Italian tonight for dinner.”

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