Page 47 of The I Do Over

“But with Xander I was really kind of a dick. He had a lot of emotional issues that went way back. He had a shitty home life growing up and it messed with him as an adult. So when he and Daisy started dating, I was the one who kind of got in his face about how I thought he was making a mistake.”

“You didn’t like Daisy?”

He shook his head. “That wasn’t it at all. I actually adore her and that’s why I was against Xander being with her.”

Maddie felt her eyes go wide.

“And no, I didn’t adore her in a romantic or sexual way,” he clarified. “Xander needed to work some things out and get in a better headspace before getting serious with someone. Otherwise…he was going to hurt Daisy. And believe me, with how connected we are to everyone at Meet Me at the Altar, thanks to Daniel and Josie, the last thing any of us needed was for Xander to hurt Daisy.”

“That makes sense.” And it made her relax now that she understood. “So…what did Xander say to you?”

He hesitated for a long moment and Maddie was beginning to wonder if he was going to tell her.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It was a private conversation and I shouldn’t have asked.”

“He was just making sure that I was the one in a good headspace this time. The thought of me dating someone for more than a handful of dates is a little out of the ordinary for me.” He gave her a helpless look. “I’m not proud of that, Maddie. I’m the guy most women get warned about—the serial dater who isn’t looking to get serious.”

She let out a shaky breath because he was being brutally honest. He wasn’t trying to pretend to be something he wasn’t, and now she had to really think about what they were doing.

“But with you,” he went on, “I’m willing to break that rule.”

Say what now?

Maddie heard her own gasp and saw the amusement on Knox’s face at her reaction.

“Knox, I…”

“Look,” he softly interrupted. “I know I was really angry when you showed up and if you would have asked me on that first day or two, I genuinely believed what we were doing was to get closure. But it wasn’t. At least…not for me.”

“It wasn’t like that for me either!” she said, her heart beating like wild. “I was more than willing to go along with whatever it was that you wanted because I was just happy to have the time with you. If you had said goodbye to me that Thursday morning, I would have respected your wishes and not bothered you again.”

His smile was a little sad. “I’m not going to lie to you, Mads. There was a part of me that wanted to be spiteful. I wanted you to suffer the way I did—to feel as hurt as I did.” He paused and she saw the pain in his eyes.

“Oh.” Slowly she tried to take her hand from his, but he held on tight.

“But I couldn’t do it. Not to you. I knew that almost immediately, but I still thought I could spend a few days with you and then say goodbye.” He shook his head. “But I can’t.”

With a shaky breath, she nodded, but wasn’t sure what to say. That was a brutally honest admission and as much as she hated that Knox even thought of such things, she was relieved that he hadn’t gone through with them.

“It’s okay,” she told him. “I really can’t blame you. We’ve been over it and I know we sort of came to an agreement to stop hashing it out, but…I know what I did was wrong. I can apologize from now until the end of time and it’s not going to change anything. I ruined our lives.”

God, she knew it was true, and it still gutted her every time she thought about it. How different would her life be if she had just kept her mouth shut?

“You didn’t ruin them…”

“Those were the exact words you said to me when I first showed up, Knox. You don’t have to try to make me feel better.” She sighed loudly and pushed her plate aside. “I’m sorry. Now I’ve ruined dinner too.”

Then she waited for him to argue with her or to try to tell her she was wrong, but he didn’t.

Instead, he got up and walked out.

Knox was furious.

With himself and with Maddie.

He realized it had only been a little more than a week, but he wanted them to look at this as a new beginning without falling into the trap of getting stuck in the past. No one wished that they could go back and change things more than him, but the reality was that it couldn’t happen.

Did she ruin his life? At the time, yes. He’d been crushed and devastated, but…he’d also survived and done something great with himself. And if she could stop beating herself up for five minutes, he was fairly certain Maddie would see how awesome her accomplishments were too. If they had stayed married back then, they would have struggled and had mediocre careers and wouldn’t be the successes they are today.

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