Page 9 of The I Do Over

“Okay, okay, okay…you’re right. This isn’t the time for jokes, so…go on.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “For everything.”

The relaxed and easy-going man was gone in the blink of an eye as his expression turned mildly fierce. “You’re going to need to be more specific than that, Madalyn.”

He was right. Dammit.

“When we got home that weekend,” she began with a shaky voice, “and told my folks what we’d done? I knew they were going to be upset, but I didn’t expect them to react the way they did.” She paused. “And I panicked.”

In truth, they had been furious. Her father had always been the loud one in their family. He was great at intimidating people and always reminded her of a bully. But the way he yelled that day was scarier than anything she’d ever witnessed before. He’d threatened to call the police and have Knox arrested for rape—since she was only seventeen at the time—and that’s when she went from scared to terrified.

And said all the wrong things.

Knox still hadn’t said a word and she figured he was waiting for more of an explanation.

“I thought if I could just get my father to calm down, that we could get him to listen to reason. Then my mom started crying and…and…I had never seen either of them like that and I felt so guilty and…like I said, I panicked. I thought I could defuse the situation…”

“You gave him even more ammunition, Maddie! Hell, you were practically handing him the phone to call the cops on me!” he said loudly, startling her.

“Looking back, I realize that. But in that moment…”

“You told them that I forced you across state lines,” he said through clenched teeth. “You told them I forced you to marry me. He was already threatening to have me arrested for rape and you went and pretty much told him he was right!”

This wasn’t going quite the way she thought it would…

“You and I both know the truth, Knox. I know you didn’t force me to do anything. I went with you willingly!”

“It doesn’t matter!” he countered angrily. “It’s all fine and well for you to admit this now! But when it was important to tell the truth, you chose not to. When it was time to pick a side, you chose them and threw me under the bus.” He sighed loudly, raking a hand through his hair. “You lied. You destroyed my life because you were too afraid to tell your parents the truth. And then you waited seventeen years to apologize!”

“That’s not true! I wrote to you! A lot! Hell, I sent you dozens of letters in those first few months, but you never responded!” she cried. “I knew you were upset with me—probably hated me—but you could have at least responded or just sent them back!” She jumped to her feet. “So I knew the only way to finally get some closure was to come and see you in person and just…just apologize to your face and go.”

With a huff of annoyance, she stepped away from the sofa and considered grabbing her purse and just leaving.

“If you don’t want to accept my apology, then fine. I can’t force you,” she said to him after a moment. “But you need to know that I have regretted every damn word I said that day ever since.” Tears stung her eyes but she refused to cry in front of him. “At least now I know I did everything I possibly could to tell you how sorry I am, so…goodbye.”

And this time, she did turn to leave the room, but Knox was fast on his feet and was suddenly standing in front of her.

“You never wrote to me, Maddie. Come on,” he said with a hint of disgust. “Don’t lie to me again. It’s insulting to us both.”

Her eyes went wide. “I most certainlydidwrite to you! At first, I sent them to your house, but when I heard you went into the Navy, I found an address to send them to and wrote to you there! Why would I lie about that?”

“Why would you lie about me forcing you to marry me?” he shouted and she could feel the frustration vibrating off of him. He looked ready to shake her, but instead he took a step back and threw his hands up. “I don’t know why you would do half the things you did. There was a time when I thought I knew everything about you, but…clearly I was wrong.”

This time Knox was the one to walk away and Maddie stopped him. “You weren’t wrong!” she argued. “I made a mistake! I was young and stupid and if I could go back and change what I said, I would! But you have to know that Ididwrite to you! Some of those letters were a dozen pages, Knox! I was alone and I was scared and I wanted you to come to Washington or to at least call me, but you never wrote back!”

“Because I never got any letters,” he said, carefully enunciating each word.

Maddie was on the verge of stomping her foot and growling because there was no way to prove that she sent anything. He would just have to trust her, and he obviously couldn’t. They were at a standoff and maybe…maybe this was the only closure she was going to get.

At least she could say she tried.

“Then I guess we’re done here,” she said sadly. “I can’t make you believe me, Knox, just like I can’t make you accept my apology.” Taking a step back, she sighed. “This was selfish of me to even come here and dredge all of this up after all these years, so…I’m sorry for that too.” The mirthless laugh was out before she could stop it. “I guess I should have just left the past where it belonged. I’ll see myself out.”

He didn’t say a word and he didn’t try to stop her this time, and it was crazy how disappointed that made her.

She walked through the kitchen and down the hall to the entryway when he spoke.

“You destroyed me, Maddie,” he said gruffly, and when she turned around, he was less than three feet away from her. His expression was no longer fierce, but sad. “We had our whole lives planned out and you just threw it all away. Didn’t I mean anything to you? Did you ever even love me or was it all a lie?”

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