Page 35 of The I Do Over

It was after six and Knox was standing in the kitchen with a glass of wine in his hand and was doing his best to stop himself from having a total panic attack. Maddie was upstairs taking a shower and then they were going to decide what they were going to get for dinner. He had taken his shower first while she returned some calls and he was tempted to simply linger upstairs until she was ready, but quickly realized that he needed a few extra minutes to himself.

Glancing across the room, he spotted his phone and seriously considered calling either Xander or Daniel, but he wasn’t in the mood for anyone to say, “I told you so.” And the thought of having to explain the state he was currently in was borderline embarrassing.

Daniel’s words from Monday were playing on a constant loop in his head right now.

What if you have a bunch of heart-to-heart conversations and three days isn’t enough? Or what if you say the hell with talking and spend the next three days in bed trying to get each other out of your systems, and you don’t? What happens come Thursday morning?

At the time, Knox really didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. They’d spend some time together, get to know each other as adults, and then move on.

Granted, they talked a lot about their lives and it was obvious that they were in very different places—and not just geographically. Knox was in the process of growing the security firm and possibly expanding, and Maddie was very much attached to where she was in Chesapeake with her clinic and content with it staying small. He didn’t think any less of her because she was choosing what was—in his mind—limiting, while he looked at SEAL Security as limitless. They could expand and have locations all over the country and that thought excited the hell out of him. Maddie believed in being happy with what she had and playing it safe.

They hadn’t talked about the events of their breakup at all since Sunday night. But he had a sneaking suspicion that some of her decisions with her life and her career are largely because the one time she had taken a risk, it went so horribly wrong.

He just didn’t want to ask and have her confirm it.

These last several days had been amazing and he’d enjoyed every damn second of their time together. There was no way he was going to ruin it by bringing up a subject that had the potential to upset them both.

Okay, so maybe she’s not the only one playing it safe…

Still, this was an isolated incident. Maddie was doing it with her entire life.

At least…that’s how it seemed to him.

Playing it safe aside, it still didn’t help him feel any better about her leaving in the morning. In his mind, he figured having this time together would be a good thing and it would make going their separate ways a little easier.

Boy, was I wrong about that.

Instead, Knox found that he really enjoyed having her here. He felt comfortable with Maddie in a way that he never did with any other woman. They still had so much in common and she made him laugh more than he had in a long time. Hell, it was crazy how they still remembered their old inside jokes or how fun it was to tease each other. Sitting and watching TV with her was even a treat and it didn’t matter if they weren’t saying a word.

In short, her presence reminded him of how lonely he was and how much he’d missed her.

And now he was going to have to watch her leave.

Seventeen years ago, she was the one to watch him go—literally. She stood at the front door crying and her mother held her back as he stormed out.

Tomorrow it would be his turn to watch and there wouldn’t be an audience.

Groaning, he scrubbed a hand along the back of his neck. “When the hell did I get like this?”

Unfortunately, he knew the answer.

But that didn’t mean he knew what to do about it.

Logistics weren’t on their side and honestly, he wasn’t so sure Maddie would even be willing to continue with this relationship. They’d both been so careful about living in the moment that he wasn’t exactly sure how she felt.

“Probably should do something about that,” he murmured.

The instant that thought took hold, the more his anxiety ratcheted up a notch. Because they hadn’t talked and he had no idea how she felt, there was a good chance that Maddie would say “Thanks but no thanks” and effectively reject him again.

And he didn’t know if he could survive it twice.

No matter how much of a badass he thought he was.

Of course, there was a possibility of her not rejecting him and them finding some sort of long-distance balance. People did it all the time and considering how busy his schedule was, it might work to his advantage.

But what’s my end game?

Yeah. That.

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