Page 26 of Shattering Desire

Gavin instantly took notice and came and stood beside her. He must not have realized it was David. Not that it mattered. “I’m the manager, if you have a problem take it up with me,” he announced.

David’s eyes went wild and his entire face hardened. “I know who you are. This is between me and Lanie.”

Sensing Gavin’s resistance and challenge beside her, she intervened, “It’s fine. This is David. Remember you met at the reception. I’m taking a break. I’ll be back soon.”

Unfortunately, with her legs trapped in the geisha attire it seriously impeded any quick departure. Shuffling away from Gavin and around the bar, she finally joined David on the other side and hobbled outside. He followed behind her without saying a word. Until they were alone on the sidewalk at the entrance to the hotel.

“What the fuck are you doing, Lanie? Have you had a midlife crisis or a mental breakdown?” he lectured.

“I can ask the same of you,” she countered.

He sighed. His shoulders slumped and he ran a hand through his thick, salt and pepper hair. Most of it still showed dark, except along his hairline. He looked good. Incredibly handsome actually. “I’m worried about you.” He waved his arm in front of her. “Look at you. This isn’t you. And you won’t return any of my calls.”

Please don’t cry.His disapproval hurt. She wished it didn’t. “I’m working. It is silly. But it’s a success. Raphael’s is making a killing and they’re thrilled.”

“What about him?” he countered.

“What about him? What about Denise? I don’t interfere in your personal life, so why are you interfering in mine?”

His nostrils flared with the deep breath he took. “Because we have a son. And if you had any valid complaints with Denise while I was seeing her… ones that had possible damaging consequences for either Hunter or I, I hope you would voice them. Beverly came to see me. She told me about Gavin. So far, your boy toy’s primary occupation is being kept quiet. But what if it doesn’t?”

How dare Beverly. How dare him. “He’s not my boy toy. I had no clue about Gavin’s past until the… until after the death of Peter Long. And it is the past.” She balled her fists and shook them. Leaning closer to David, she hissed, “I would never do anything to hurt Hunter.”

Looking at the ground, he lifted his hand to the back of neck and rubbed it. “I know you wouldn’t. And Beverly told me you didn’t know about Gavin’s other job. But we are worried about you. This could blow up, Lanie. Are you prepared for that? Are you willing to put Hunter through that?”

They were the questions she had been asking herself. No, she wasn’t willing. Yes, she was. She wanted to be happy. Her job made her happy. Gavin made her happy. Before anyway. “I hope it doesn’t come to that.”

He nodded, but not in agreement, more in resignation. “Me too. Me too.” He turned and paced in the opposite direction before returning. “If I’d known you wanted to work, I would’ve offered you a job. Even helped you find one.”

They did work well together. She created many graphics and provided countless ideas for his presentations. But all of it had been to further his career. Which they both, their family, benefited from. Her position with Raphael’s belonged to her. Selfish maybe. But she succeeded without David or his influence.

“I’m happy, David. I hope you are too,” she reasoned.

His brown eyes found hers. They searched for affirmation. They were concerned and caring and comforting. “I am if you are.”

She blinked away the tears threatening to spill. She forgot the ‘David’ standing before her. He vanished long ago. Or did he? Had she? Why did she feel the urge to hug him? Have his arms around her rocking her and promising everything would be okay?

“I have to get back to work. Thank you for stopping by and checking on me,” she stated.

David took her wrists in his hands. He tilted his head and gazed at her. Damn if it didn’t stir up forgotten memories. “Call me if you ever need anything. And stop ignoring the people who care about you. Answer your phone and text people back.”

“I promise.” And she did. She meant it. Sort of. Not Beverly yet. But she wouldn’t ignore David any longer. He accepted her decisions.

“If I hear anything or think something is related and the shit is gonna hit the fan, I’ll let you know.” Her wrists were still in his hands, and he tugged her into him and hugged her tightly. He kissed the top of her head and spoke into her hair. “I don’t agree. I don’t understand. But… I will step back.” He squeezed her into his chest harder. “Until I view it as harmful to either you or Hunter.”

Sliding her arms around his narrow, fit waist, she returned his embrace. When had they last hugged? When had she last felt seen by him?

He kissed the top of her head again and released her. Pulling her arms from around his waist he rushed off toward his car. She stood and watched him drive out of the parking lot. Her jaw tightened and she had difficulty swallowing. She wanted to cry. Throughout all the negative things that occurred between her and David over the past eight months, she barely cried a tear. Suddenly the urge to bawl like a baby overwhelmed her.

Who had she become? Who had she been? The awareness of exactly how lost she had been and currently was, dumbfounded her. She had no one else to blame but herself. David has his faults. Gavin had his. But she couldn’t fault either of them. Somehow, somewhere, she checked out of her life. She had continued to do the right things, be a good mother, a faithful friend, but she lacked passion. Gavin restored passion in her. Sexual passion. Motivated passion. Unfortunately, he reinvigorated her emotional passion as well.

All the feelings she buried and ignored surfaced. She could no longer pretend they didn’t exist. She never stopped loving David. She just stopped. Not physically. She cleaned the house and supported Hunter and David. But she simply lived. Hollow.

She loved Gavin. But could she go from one extreme to the other. From not experiencing anything to experiencing everything. She doubted it.

“Hey, you, okay?” Gavin asked, coming up behind her.

Shifting away from him, she stared at the empty parking spot David vacated. David provided her something Gavin never would. Security. Not financially speaking. Which David did. But she could depend on him. Even through their divorce, she never thought her world could crumble around her. Not like she did with Gavin.

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