Page 10 of PortCity Killers

“No.” I felt my cheeks flush, “Not that it’s any of your business, and if he did so what? If he did then that would be between me and him now, wouldn’t it?”

“If we need money-”

“I’m not whoring myself out, Jaymes,” I snapped. “And if I were, I certainly wouldn’t tell you about it with the way you’re looking at me right now.”

I held my hand up when he started to protest again.

“I’m not having this discussion with you. What Iwillsay is that Bryce and I are not in any kind of official or labeled relationship. I know enough about his work to know that I don’t want to be involved, and Bryce agrees that he doesn’t want me tangled up in it. You are the only one who knows, and we’ve taken great lengths to make sure no one else can trace me back to him. It would be very dangerous for me if people knew; do you understand?”

He nodded, but the bitterness on his face let me know he had some idea of how it could be for me if peoplewereto find out. I turned back to the food, fixing things up while the silence stretched for what seemed like hours.

Jaymes sat there, ruminating on his own thoughts likely, as he glared holes into the kitchen tiles.

I set his bowl down on the bar and boxed the rest up, “You’re not eating?”

I shook my head, “I ate food at the bar before I went in to work. I don’t need anything.”

He looked at me but said nothing as he started shoveling food into his mouth. Jaymes barely breathed when he ate, swallowing heaping spoonfuls whole like he was underwater and had to hold his breath.

I turned away from him as he ate because it still made me sick to see the habit I had tried for years to break him of. When you grew up like we did, sometimes you ate too much too fast because you never know when you’ll get the chance again.

I set about cleaning the kitchen, filling the sink with hot soapy water while I tried to tune out the sounds of Jaymes gorging himself.

“I don’t like that you’re with him.”

I looked up to see he had finished. I took his bowl from him, dropping it into the sink of soapy water I’d set up for the other dishes.

I shrugged, “I don’t know what you want me to say to that.”

“He’s a bad guy, Alex.”

“Bad guys don’t go out of their way to help their booty call’s little brother, Jaymes.”

He rolled his eyes, “They do if they want something in return. He doesn’t look at you like you’re just a booty call. Honestly, that’s what scares me most.”

My brows furrowed at that, “How is it you think he looks at me?”

“He looks at you like he’s a man dying in the desert, and you’re an oasis he’s stumbled on.” He shook his head, “Objectively, I could get over that if he wasn’t who he was, but he isn’t a man who’s known to let go of something easily or take no for an answer.”

Sometimes Jay seemed to have a little too much clarity for someone who screwed up so much, but I refrained from mentioning that. His eyes had a shrouded look that made me shudder a little. It was a wonder how we turned out the way we did.

Sometimes I wondered if I hadn’t done a good enough job as a big sister, maybe sheltered him too much, taken one too many beatings for him. Maybe that was why he always seemed to run headlong into danger like he hadn’t been raised in a den of vipers.

But sometimes, like now, I saw that darkness for what it was—reckless desperation.

“And how do you know about him, then?”

I wasn’t stupid; I knew Jaymes wasn’t staying on the books no matter how hard I had tried to keep him away from the illegal shit. If you worked at the bar long enough, you wound up doing some shady things whether you liked it or not.

For me, I had put my foot down at running interference outside the bar itself, and everyone knew not to push me too far. Jaymes? Jaymes liked it. Jaymesthrivedon it.

“I’ve seen him around.”

I scoffed, disgusted at the calm, cool facade he erected as if I wasn’t the one who taught him to smooth the truth from his face years ago.

I hadn’t forgotten about the Ricco comment. Obviously the two knew of each other a little more than I liked, but neither man was willing to fess up to exactly what that meant.

If Jaymes wanted to get himself killed, I was the one who was a fool. There was nothing I could do about it if he did. Bryce was right; throwing myself into the fray as cannon fodder would get me killed one day.

Unlike my brother, I had come out of the den kicking and screaming, slashing out of the bush with everything I had to survive another day. If I wanted to keep that, I was going to have to be a lot more selective with my brother.

Our mother had that same darkness in her eyes for as long as I could remember; there’s a reason she sure as hell wasn’t standing here today.

I turned my back on him, shaking my head as I started up on the dishes in the sink, “You should get some sleep. Bryce won’t be back any time soon, and I won’t be able to rest until I know you are.”

I waited until I heard the door close gently, listening for the telltale sound of his soft snuffling, before I opened the window and climbed out onto the fire escape and let the sounds of the city wash over me like it could heal the broken vestiges of my heart.

---