Page 20 of Dark Obsession

You can’t see my tears in the rain

MACHINE GUN KELLY

Ifeel slightly drunk and a little high as I fall into a nightclub up town not too far from my father’s penthouse where I had taken up living. Fuck going home. My mother had blown up my phone to the point I had switched it off. ‘Brush your own fucking hair and make ya own special tea, Orla.’ I laughed out as I bumped into a tall man with dark hair and darker eyes I shuddered as a look of hunger washed through his irises. Looking down, I was still dressed in the outfit I danced in tonight. Laughing some more I pushed past him, shaking off the feeling of danger and fell into the sea of people.

Lights flashed in my eyes; the drinks I’d had made my body numb. I swayed to the music, my fingers in my hair and running down over my face and my body seductively. I liked this feeling. I liked this place. I kept my eyes closed as I danced, knowing that everybody’s eyes were on me, the girl in fishnets that fell into a sea of people all seeking something inside nothing.

I had everybody’s attention on me. It felt fucking good. I loved nothing more than dancing like this. I never knew I wanted this, or that this was what my soul needed.‘See, Bre, this side of the coin is a lot more intriguing, isn’t it?’Bellz’s voice sounded around me.‘Being bad is good.’Again, she spoke.‘Lose yourself to them, Bre. Lose your mind and unleash your soul. Let them touch you, Bre, for your magic.’Again, she was talking to me—sounding pleased, so proud of this me. That I was becoming some would say a mess, but I would say—‘Magical’.She cut me off and I let the music that I loved so much inside clubs, take me away.

I loved the music , the sounds of the people, the bodies pressing against mine, sweat, drinks and the smells of inhibition and letting go. The sounds were perfect for blocking out anything and everything else. “Brenyn!” I heard someone shouting my name over the sound of the music, but I pretended not to notice. I needed to drown it all out. I knew my family held power. I was watched wherever I went, but fuck you. Losing a friend that was your sister and your soul’s savior fucked with you a little. The noise helped me replace the endless pain in my head, the horrible memories that made me feel sick, the knowledge that I was heading down the same path that most of the dancers inside Club Envy took and I didn’t really fucking care. I’d sworn to myself I wouldn’t do it after the first forty-eight hours of dancing there and I promised Kitty that I would only take the little white pills from her, but fuck. The ones the girls gave me out in the alleyway inside the dark foggy nights, where they slipped to for cool air and to give blowjobs without having to give Club Envy a cut, tasted so much better.

“Brenyn!” Again, with my name. this time louder and a voice I vaguely recognized. I opened my eyes, locking onto the eyes of Trixie, her smile bright. “Finally, you venture out and into the baddest club in town.” She laughed, grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. She leaned against the wall and stared into my eyes with wonderment. “You really like living on the edge, don’t you?” I raised my brow at her.

“I’m not sure what you mean by that.” A smile crossed over her lips.

“You really have no clue, do you?”

“About?” I questioned.

“You, the monster and the fact you’re now in Badlands and not Club Envy.” I was so lost. All I wanted to do was drink, dance, forget. I tried to pull away from Trixie, but she pressed me back in place. “If he finds you here, he will burn this fucking place to the ground.” I tried to dismiss the warning laced inside her words. “He doesn’t own me, nor can he say where I can and can’t go.” Her head fell back, and a cackle left her.

“Oh, sweet thing, he can and he does.” The music thumped through my body as I waited for Trixie to explain more of this to me. I was lost at sea and that turbulent sea was grief and Killian. “That guy over there,” she told me over the sound of the bass. “He asked me if you were Enigma from Club Envy. I think he’s into you, well into who you are inside Club Envy.” She motioned to one side of me, and I looked over to see if he was of any interest to me. I wasn’t here to fuck or play games, that’s not who I was. Oh, fuck it, Brenyn, you don’t even know who the fuck you are any more.

The guy she was talking about had a stocky build. He was taller than me, but not that tall, wearing a boring plaid jacket over a V-neck shirt and black jeans. His hair was long on top and short at the sides. He wore brown boots with the outfit. He was handsome, I would give his face that at least. But he was also painfully boring. I looked back at Trixie with a smile playing on my lips and winked at her. Her eyes grew wide in shock. “Brenyn, don’t you dare. Killian will fucking kill him. He knows everything that happens in this town.” She was falling into a heated panic and my body was responding to the drugs and liquor. I smiled seductively at her.

“So, who have you got your eye on tonight?” I asked her, and she shrugged with a grimace and annoyance flashed through her crystal-blue eyes. She was annoyed I had changed the subject. What I do with my free time and body is none of Killian’s business.

“I don’t know. I’m not really into anyone here. I guess I’ll just call boring ol’ Chris seeing as I have him on speed dial.” She sighed but smiled. And I laughed.

“That guy is boring as shit. His name suits him. He looks a snore fest but I’ve seen the way he smiles at you and the way you look at him.” She laughed at me, playfully hitting my shoulder.

“And you’re playing with fire, taunting the monster,” she warned me, stealing a glance around the packed club.

“I like fire,” I stated. “I like the way it licks up my flesh leaving searing heat in its wake.”

“You’re fucking crazy.” Trixie laughed over the sound of the music.

“And your fuck boy adores you. What does that make you?”

“That makes me just as boring once the music dies and the comedown hits,” she reminded me. “But your right. He adores me,” she said, and I nodded thoughtfully. I couldn’t see myself with anyone like Trixie’s Chris. He was her oldest friend, blinded with love for her since she’d been a little girl. It was sweet, in a sick wanna vomit way. He was always following her around, trying to convince her he was worth her time. That she was worth more than a pole dance in a club where men paid to watch her remove her clothing.

“I guess I’ll see you soon.” I said to her as I nodded toward the open door of the club. Chris was there waiting for her. It was fucking sweet, really.

“You may. But if Killian finds you, I fear you won’t.” Her eyes held warnings of bad things to come. Me, well, I was so fucking high I swear I high fived his holiness, so I just winked at her.

“He’s all huff and no puff.” I laughed as she shrugged her shoulders.

“Don’t underestimate him, Brenyn. He will destroy you and anything that touches you.”

“We will see,” I said as I walked away from her. The guy who’d been checking me out came up to me. He wore a sexy smirk on his face and a look of determination passed through his eyes as they locked with mine.

“Hello, Miss Enigma,” he said with a toothy grin, and I fluttered my lashes at him. “Hi, handsome,” I purred as he reached for my arm, gently stroking down my skin. Once he reached my wrist, he grabbed onto it, his fingers rough and calloused against my skin.

“You wanna have some fun?” he asked, opening my palm up with his fingers. I looked down to find a small pill in it. I wanted to see how high I could get before I wasn’t me anymore—before I wasn’t a toy in their game. I wanted to escape reality and live inside the fluffy, dusty pink clouds of a different day. But I couldn’t seem to ever escape because in this place… the music, the sounds, the thick air filled with sweat and sex brought all the memories we shared, all the times out partying, flooding back to me with the intensity of a punch to the face. Bellz. Pretty, wild and unique Bellz with her full pink lips and flowy hair—before the chemo took it away. Her laughing, smiling, chattering away. The way she would dance like the music was in her, moving for her. Promiscuous Bellz, in a sexy fluorescent orange dress that went with her silky waves of black hair spectacularly. She was dancing, always dancing. Sad Bellz, crying, telling me about how scared she was of dying. How lonely she felt in the hours between the dark night and early dawn. How she was scared of leaving me, her mother and father. The tears that fell following the cancer diagnosis. Sexy Bellz, leaning into me, capturing my lips in a kiss that told me all her secrets. Dead Bellz. Her face unnaturally white, her lips held a small tinge of blue. Her body skinny, frail and eaten away from a cancerous disease that took her beauty and replaced it with skin and bone, jaundiced and horrific.

She was gone, gone, gone and I was still here, here, here. I hated that. I wanted her to hold me until it was over, and I was finally with her. I wanted to end it all, but I didn’t quite know how to just yet. I smiled weakly at the guy, raised my palm to my lips and licked up the pill with the tip of my tongue. I showed it to him, and he leaned into me, taking my mouth in a rough kiss. A kiss that took me by surprise. I didn’t kiss many often, I haven’t had many lovers or been intimate with many. Just Eric really. And well, the little games with the monster. The thought of him gave me fucking butterflies.

I swallowed the little pill he gave me before he could swoop his tongue in and steal it away from me. I wanted the high. I chased it, craved it, needed it.

---