Page 64 of Impossible

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Riley

“How did today go?” my sister asks. I’m just getting on my pajamas and forgot to text her to let her know how everything went.

She’s taken more of an interest in my life ever since our dinner together. So have my parents. It’s been weird. But not completely unwelcome.

“It went about as good as I could’ve hoped. I didn’t cry when I saw him. Made it through the entire day without doing anything stupid.”

Even though all I wanted to do was run into his arms. I wanted him to make everything better. I don’t even know how that would work. Am I too broken inside to believe he could love me? I can tell he misses me. But does he miss my friendship more?

“Well, that’s good I guess. How are you feeling though? Are you okay?” she asks.

“I mean, I’m fine. It sucks and I wish it were different.”

“Did you try talking to him about it? I feel like you two are both dancing around this subject and neither is willing to open up about it.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

I’m just about to hop in bed when I hear a knock on my door. Who is knocking on my door at this time of night?

“Stace, I gotta go. Someone’s knocking on my door,” I whisper to her. Not quite sure why I’m whispering.

“It’s a little late isn’t it? Stay on the phone with me. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

As I start out my bedroom towards my door, I’m contemplating grabbing something to defend myself but decide not to. Would this person really knock on my door if they wanted to hurt me? I get to the door and get on my tippy toes to look through the peep hole. The man’s head is down but I’d know that frame anywhere. My heart skips a beat.

“I gotta go. It’s Liam,” I whisper again and hang up before I hear anything back from her.

I take a deep breath and open the door. We are standing there staring at each other. The way he is looking at me is almost too much to keep the eye contact. I see the pain written all over his face. I want to run into his arms, tell him everything is going to be okay, but I just stand there.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

I nod my head up and down and open the door while he walks in. We are standing there together, me waiting once again for any sign of what I’m supposed to do right now.

“Fuck. I was hoping the words would come to me by the time I got here,” he starts while dragging a hand through his hair.

“Do you want to sit down?” I motion towards the couch.

“No, I need to get this out now.” He takes a step toward me. “I’m so damn sorry, Riley.”

Don’t cry. Please don’t cry after one sentence.

“I should have never walked away from you that night. I didn’t know what to say back. I hurt you but not in a way I knew how to fix at the time. I was afraid that me being a...widower,” he pauses for a second. “Gosh, it’s still weird to use that word. I thought it would be this thing that stood in between us. I started to get in my head about it. How could I love you enough if I still always had love for Becca? Would you be mad anytime you saw me upset or grieving? I thought I wouldn’t be enough for you.”

The tears that I was trying to hold back can’t be contained anymore. I hate that I was so weak. That I made him doubt himself like this. Of course I would understand when he still felt grief over losing Becca. I just had a weak moment that night, hearing those words come out of his mouth.

“Liam, I’m sorry I,” I try to keep going but he cuts me off.

“No, don’t you say you’re sorry. There’s no need for it. I understand. You were put in a tough position. And you will be if you were to be with me. I’m broken in a sense. I’ve lost a wife. And at the worst time anyone can imagine. I don’t know that you ever fully recover from that. You just learn to live with it. But where I went wrong was not telling you how much you mean to me, how much I love you. Because I do. I’ve been a wreck without you. I know it won’t be easy to be with me. And I know it might be hard sometimes to hear me say things about missing her. But if you think it’s worth it, I want another chance to make this right.”

He takes another step, closing in the distance between us. He’s now only inches away from me, close enough to reach out and touch me, but he doesn’t.

“I want a chance to show you what you’re worth to me. You are the most amazing, beautiful, caring, funny, and intelligent woman. I don’t deserve you, I know that much to be true. You’re too good for me. Anyone, I meananyone,should wake up everyday feeling thankful that they get to love you for another day. I want another chance, Ineedanother chance, to show you that you are not a fall back, not a rebound, not someone I’m settling for. I don’t know how or why I got so lucky to feel this way after already falling in love once. But I’m not going to question it anymore. I’m just going to be thankful, and hope that you can forgive me.”

He finally reaches up and starts wiping the tears off of my cheeks. I look into his eyes and see the relief he must feel after getting those words out. There is no longer pain reflecting back at me, it seems more like...hope. I don’t know how he thinks for a second I can turn him away after what he said to me.

“Do you think you can, Riley? Can you forgive me?” he whispers.

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