Page 62 of Impossible

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Liam

I’m trying to stay focused on what my aunt and uncle are saying to me. We were talking about work when I noticed Riley walk in the room. She is gorgeous in her white dress with a blue cardigan over her shoulders. I couldn’t believe the anger building inside of me when I saw my brother with his arm around her in church. The easy-going laugh that he had. I wish I could have that back with her. How did we get to this point?

When I see out of the corner of my eye that she is now talking with Peyton and James, who are both laughing at something she said, I somehow feel like an outsider. Now she is laughing and buddy buddy with Peyton? I need to talk to her. I need to be with her somehow. When I see her move over to the dessert table and start unloading cupcakes, I take it as my cue to have my time alone with her. Excusing myself from my aunt and uncle, I make a beeline straight for the desserts.

“Those look good,” I say over her shoulder.

I want to take these words back instantly. That’s all I can come up with? Luckily, she must take pity on me because she answers my ridiculously obvious observation.

“Yeah, they’re Becca’s favorite. I always got them for her at any special occasion. Seemed fitting to bring them.”

Not going to lie, the ceremony was rough. They honored Becca with a prayer and it took a lot for me to hold in the grief and not get swallowed up. But this is what Riley does for me. She somehow makes it easier by reminding me of Becca in a way that brings a smile to my face. She just makes everything better. I remember Becca always telling me Riley was going to get her fat with all the desserts she would bring around. I told her to stop eating the desserts which was answered with a glare.

I laugh. “Gosh, she would always tell me you were going to make her fat.”

Riley giggles while putting out another cupcake. “That was my favorite part. How she would complain while scarfing it down like it was the best thing she ever had.”

I’m caught standing there watching her while she works to get the rest of the cupcakes placed. It’s probably been several minutes of me standing here like a moron as I watch her, waiting for her attention. When she’s done, she places the empty box under the table and dusts off her hands. I finally feel like she has looked at me for the first time today.

It’s not the look I’m used to seeing from her. It’s guarded. Like she can’t be herself with me anymore. It hurts to know I’ve done this to us. I want her back so bad. I want to know how I can fix this. I want to be what Riley needs while still honoring Becca’s memory.

“How are you doing?” I ask her.

She shrugs her shoulders and looks down at her feet. “I’m okay. How are you?”

“I’m good.”But I miss you. I want you back. I’m so sorry.

“That’s good. Well, I’m going to go get some time with Harper.”

She walks away before I have a chance to say anything else. I watch her go over to Logan and sit next to him while Harper is sitting on his lap. She begins to tickle and play with Harper making her laugh and giggle. Logan hands Harper over to Riley then gets up and scans the room. When he spots me, he nods and motions for me to stay put.

“Get your head out of your ass yet?” he asks once he is by my side, facing the rest of the room with me.

“What are you talking about?”

“You going to admit you fucked up with Riley? You gave up too soon. She just needed to know you wanted her. That she wasn’t a rebound fling to get over your grief. You aren’t doing a great job of convincing her otherwise right now.”

“What am I supposed to do? She wanted to end things. She didn’t want to always be in the shadows of Becca. She thought I would always look at her and want someone else.”

“That’s just her being insecure. It’s going to happen. You two have a unique history. You didn’t do anything to quiet those insecure voices for her. If anything, you made them stronger.”

Fuck. He’s right isn’t he? How is Logan the one making me see this clearly right now? Is it too late to fix it with her?

“What am I supposed to do now?” I ask.

“I don’t know. Talk to her for one. You need to make her see what she means to you.”

“I feel like it’s too late. Like I fucked up. And what am I supposed to do when I do get sad about Becca? Do I have to hide it from her?”

“You’re overthinking this shit. Do whatever you did for the first seven months you were around Riley. I don’t think she expects you to forget about her, man.”

I wish I knew what the right answer was.

Laterthatnight,I’mlaying on the couch after getting Harper in bed. Thinking back to the party today, I’m remembering trying to find Riley to say goodbye until I realized that she snuck out before saying goodbye to me, which hurt. I tried my best to focus on Harper and what today was really about, but Riley was always present in my mind.

I keep thinking back to my conversation with Logan. The more that I think about it, the more I believe he was right. I should’ve showed her what she meant to me. I shouldn’t have let her fears get in the way of what we had. I all of a sudden remember a conversation I had years ago with Becca. She had tried to set Riley up with one of our friends. Riley liked him but nothing ever came of the introduction. Becca told me one night that Riley always seems to think she isn’t worth much. She will find reasons why she thinks a man is out of her league or why she doesn’t have much to offer.

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