Page 56 of Impossible

“Liam,” she whispers.

I can feel it in the air. See it in her eyes. Hear it in her voice. She feels distant from me. When she meets my eyes, I see them begin to well up again. When I lift my hand to try to wipe away the tear that escape her eyes, she backs away from me.

“Riley. I’m so sorry about tonight. I feel awful that I put you in that situation to begin with. I should’ve talked to my family about us first and not blindsided everyone.”

Her chin drops to her chest as she takes a deep breath. Tonight really effected her. I wish I knew the right words to say to make it better.

“Baby, talk to me,” I tell her as I take another step inside and close the door.

I grab her hand and lead us to the couch. She follows me, taking a seat a little further away from me than I would like.

“What are you feeling right now?” I ask her.

“Liam,” she begins, but can’t seem to meet my eyes right now. “This was a mistake.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I should have thought more before bringing you along like that.”

“No,” she stops me. “Wewere a mistake.”

For a second, I think I heard her wrong. She can’t be saying what I think she is. How can her and I be a mistake? I realize tonight was a little rough, but my family is okay with it. Mom and Dad are happy for us. Peyton even apologized.

“No, of course we’re not a mistake. Look, I went back and talked to everyone after you left. Peyton said she was sorry. She gets like that sometimes, speaks before thinking. Mom and Dad are happy for us, they were just a little surprised. You already know my brothers could care less.”

She finally looks up at me. “And Shirley and Robert?”

“They’ll come around.” At least I hope they do.

“You heard them. They think what we’re doing is wrong. A disgrace to Becca. And... what you said.”

With that, she hiccups as the tears come streaming down here face. What I said? What did I say? I look at her, confusion written all over my face.

“What did I say?” I ask.

“That you would give anything to have Becca back with you. She was the love of your life. It sounds horrible, but those words hurt to hear. It makes me sick to think that those words can all of a sudden break my heart. But they do. Because... I can never live up to that. I will never be the love of your life. I will always be the second choice. The one you chose because you lost your true love. And if you had the choice, you would take her over me any day. And I know that's horrible of me to even put you in the position to say otherwise. But it's hard to think that I would always be the woman you settle for. I've always been the one who faded off into the background, but when it comes to who I spend my life with, I want to be more.”

I don’t even know what to say. I did say those words, didn’t I? I was so angry at the accusations thrown my way and defending my honor, that I didn’t even think about how my words would affect Riley. What am I supposed to say? No, you’re wrong. I’m glad Becca is gone so I can have you? Of course, I would give anything to have her back, but I’m also crazy about Riley. This feels like an impossible situation. I’m stuck in this reality of loving two women and wanting to have a life with both of them. One of them is gone, but I have one right here in front of me, and yet it feels like she is slipping away.

“Riley, I didn’t realize what those words would sound like from your perspective. I’m, I'm sorry.”

She shakes her head back and forth. “Don’t be sorry. Beccawasthe love your life. You should be able to say those things, because they're true. I’m the weak one. The one who couldn’t take hearing the truth.”

“So, what are you saying?” I know what she's saying, but I don’t want to hear the answer.

“I’m saying that I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I can handle being looked at as someone who swooped in and took my best friends husband the moment she died. And I don’t think I can handle knowing you will always wish you had Becca back. I’m saying that we made a mistake. I’m sorry.”

My head falls forward in defeat. I want to push her, to tell her she is wrong. But what can I say? There doesn’t seem to be any words that will make this better.

"You're right. You deserve better than that. You deserve more than I can give you. I'm always going to be a man who lost his wife, the mother of his child. I can't change that."

I don't want to drag her down and cause her this kind of pain. I get up and make another mistake tonight. I say goodbye and leave her behind.

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