Page 47 of Impossible

She shrugs her shoulders and moves on to feeding Harper as if she is done with the conversation. My mother gives me a look of confusion. I don’t know what to make of Peyton’s words so I just roll my eyes and get back to eating my food. I don't know why I'm so angry, but it feels like Peyton's words were a silent accusation.

“How is Shirley doing these days?” Dad asks me.

“Well, it was a rough start in the beginning of summer. She was having a hard time with Becca’s death. She couldn’t come around our house or Harper without crying. Riley actually got a hold of her and started meeting Shirley at the park on her lunch break. She is still struggling but comes to pick Harper up sometimes on the weekends so they could spend time together.”

“Oh, Riley has been such a blessing for you this summer. I am so happy she reached out to Shirley,” Mom says as she puts her hand over her heart.

“I agree, Mom. She has been amazing and exactly what Harper and I needed.”

I look over at Peyton to make sure she heard mom's words, and it’s Peyton’s turn to roll her eyes at me but I choose to ignore it. If Riley and I ever decide to go public with our relationship, I will clearly need to talk to Peyton one on one first. I think whenever I move on, she will have a hard time with it. Her and Becca were really close, and Peyton is not exactly one to shy away from her opinions.

“Jackson, I’m surprised to see you here. You have been MIA lately,” Greyson says.

I look at Jackson as he begins to shift uncomfortably in his seat. I wonder if Greyson knows about Jackson’s roommates. Clearly, it's something that he's trying to keep a secret from everyone. Why?

“Yeah, you know work. It’s been crazy.” He says while looking down at his plate.

He doesn’t want to make eye contact with me because I know he is lying. Work is not the reason he has been out of touch. I think it has something to do with this woman living with him, and I am willing to bet there is something going on between the two of them. I just hope he knows what he's doing. There is a child involved and Jackson is known to break women's hearts. He better be serious about her or this can all blow up in his face, but how serious can it be if he is keeping it a secret?

After the meal, Mom comes up to me as I'm talking to Greyson.

“I was thinking that maybe Harper can spend the night tonight.”

“Oh, um, really?” I say a bit taken back. "Why?"

“Well, I have a crib set up in the guest bedroom. She takes her naps in there when I bring her over here during the day. And instead of me coming to your place tomorrow morning just to eventually end up back here, maybe it would just be easier.”

Suddenly, I feel bad for assuming my mom would want to take care of my daughter at my house all day. It must be tiring for her to get up early every morning to come to my house. She has been bringing her back to her house more and more lately, but they still always end up back at my place. Maybe I need to consider just dropping Harper off at my parents and picking her up after work. I will talk to my mom about that idea later.

“Yeah, she can spend the night, but I can always drop her off tomorrow morning if it will be easier for you.”

“Why would you do that? It would be so much easier for her to spend the night. This way you can also have a peaceful morning tomorrow. You do enough rushing around in the morning trying to get ready for work."

"Okay, sounds good to me. Just let me know if all of this gets to be too much."

I don't even have time to finish before mom waves me off and walks away. She is stubborn and probably would never admit to being tired from helping take care of her granddaughter. I decide to say my goodbyes quickly and get out of there. I miss Riley and want to give her a call when I get in my car, maybe she can even spend the night tonight. When I get in my car and start driving home, I'm about to pick up my phone to call Riley when I think about her reaction to spending the night in my bed. Would Becca be okay with it? I don’t want to just assume she would because I would want her to be okay with it. I want to feel like I know deep down that this is really something Becca would want for me. It’s only eight o’clock since Mom makes us eat our Sunday dinner at five. I decide to make a stop on the way home.

When I pull up to the cemetery, I take a deep breath, trying to find the courage inside of me to walk up to Becca’s headstone. I haven’t even seen it yet. I guess I may have been avoiding this place. I open the car door and hesitantly walk over to the tree that she was buried next to. Her stone is there with her full nameBecca Harper Brady. Suddenly, her death just feels soreal, so permanent. I’m not sure why this is hitting me so hard right now. It’s like my brain stopped at the knowledge that she died and didn’t fully take in the meaning of it. She is gone,forever. Harper will never know her mother. I will never hear her laugh again.

I kneel down and run my hands across her name on the stone. Tears are running down my cheeks faster than I can wipe at them. They are falling down onto her headstone, marking her grave with my pain.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you, baby. This wasn’t supposed to be our life. We were supposed to grow old together.”

I kneel there and cry for what seems like at least an hour. All the pain that I have been suppressing rising to the surface. All I want to do is run to Riley to make me feel better. Suddenly, it hits me. How can this be wrong? Becca would never want me to push away any chance of happiness again... of love. She was the kindest person I knew, just like Riley. It’s like I can almost feel Becca speaking to me through something other than words. I can feel her pushing me towards Riley.Go to her!

“I will always love you, Becca. Harper will know her mama no matter what, and you’ll be in my heart until the day I die.”

I stand on shaky legs and walk back to the car. When I start the engine and drive out onto the main road, an idea hits me. Making a U-turn, I race to the nearest store, knowing they would be open at this hour. I grab a cart and head straight for the home furnishing section. I grab sheets, a new comforter, pillows, and whatever random decorative objects I think a woman would like and throw it all into my cart.

When I get home, I lug all of it upstairs and begin to strip the bed of everything. Before I put the new stuff on the bed, I decide to move around the furniture. I drag the dresser to the other side of the room, working up a sweat at ten at night, leaving room to push the king sized bed to the other side of the wall. After everything else has been repositioned, it’s ten-thirty and I am exhausted. I throw the sheets and comforter on the bed without even washing them first and fall onto it. Taking out my phone to text Riley, I hope I'm not waking her. Tomorrow is her first day back at school.

Me: Excited for your first day tomorrow? I hope I’m not waking you.

Riley: I just got into bed. It’s always exciting to meet the new students and see the staff again.

Me: I have a surprise for you. Care to come over tomorrow after work? I will pick up dinner.

Riley: I’d love to. I get off of work at 4. I’ll run home afterwards to change and can meet you at your house.

Me: Pack an overnight bag.

Almost immediately, I see an incoming call.

“Hello, beautiful,” I answer.

“An overnight bag? I have school the next day. Plus, I don’t wanna put you out and make you keep sleeping in your guest bed.”

“Just trust me, okay? Pack your bag and come over after work.”

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