Page 26 of Impossible

“I think I want the cosmo,” Faye says. “I know, I always order them. I’m boring!”

“Nothing wrong with knowing what you like.” I don’t take my eye off the menu as I tell her.

The waiter comes over and we put our orders in, me settling on a strawberry-basil margarita. We throw in a couple orders of appetizers, opting to just pick on dinner tonight. The restaurant is loud and chaotic, a perfect place for my brain to no longer have the ability to think.

“So, how is everyone’s summer break going?” Faye asks.

“Amazing! I could lie by the pool and read all day long and never tire of it,” Tiffany replies. I can now see how she has acquired her tan.

“Same! I just went to South Carolina for the week. Lying on the beach and reading a book, drink in hand, now that’s how you spend your break! What about you, Riley?”

“I’ve gotten to the pool at my apartment a handful of times. This summer has been a bit different with watching Harper and all, but it’s been amazing watching her grow.” I smile just thinking about her.

“Good! Glad you have been enjoying your time with her. Can you believe the school year is just four weeks away?” Tiffany throws her hands down on the table in frustration. “I still have to put my lesson plans together. I’ve been such a procrastinator.”

We talk about all that needs to be done before the first day of school for a while. It’s nice to have friends that I can have these discussions with, that I can commiserate with. We all help each other out, bouncing ideas off of each other, supporting the emotional trials that come with working with kids and seeing some of them struggle.

After we finish our food, the night is coming to an end when Tiffany looks to me.

“How has everything been with Liam? Is he doing okay?” she asks me, concern etched on her face.

I’m frozen for a second, guilt hitting me in my chest before it spreads through my limbs. Here she is, wondering how Liam is doing after losing his wife months ago, and only hours ago we were standing in the kitchen about to kiss. Well, I can’t speak for him, but it felt like that’s what was happening in the moment. Becca was everything in my life, my best friend, the person I could trust with anything. What would they think of me if I told them what I have been feeling?

“What’s going on?” Tiffany asks. “What’s wrong?”

“What?” I snap out of it. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you dare. We saw your face fall and look like someone kicked your puppy. Spill it!” Faye comments.

“It’s nothi...,” I try to respond but get cut off by Tiffany.

“Don’t try to tell us it’s nothing. Come on, when have we ever judged each other? Talk to us.”

“Oh gosh, I don’t know what’s going on.” Tears begin to fall down my cheeks as I accept what has been happening. “I think...I think I’ve started to have feelings for Liam. Maybe. I don’t know, or just like sexual feelings.” I cover my face in embarrassment for even saying those words out loud. When I open my eyes, I am hit with two sets of wide eyes staring back at me.

“I know!” I tell them. “I’m the worst personever.”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Tiffany says softly.

I look up at her and see that the shock is gone, replaced with sympathy. They don’t think I’m a horrible person?

“Riley, it’s actually not that far fetched if you think about it. You are both single, attractive adults going through a hard time together,” Faye says before she takes a sip of her drink.

“But it’s Liam, Becca’s Liam. What would she think of me if she were here?”

“Well, first of all, she isn’t here sweetie. And while I know that has been hard on you, I think she would be happy to know her husband and daughter are in the company of someonesheloved. Someone she wanted to spend her time with.” I look up at Tiffany, taken back by what just came out of her mouth.

“You don’t think it’s gross? That people would judge me for these feelings?”

“Would it change anything if they did?” Faye questions me. “I mean, people are going to judge you for anything. If you learned that someone didn’t like the clothes you wear, or the songs you listen to, or the religion you believe in, would you change it?”

“No, I wouldn’t. Either way it doesn’t matter, I’m not going to act on it. But it does make me feel better that you don’t think having these feelings makes me a horrible person.”

“Of course not, they make you human. And just so you know, it’s okay if you did decide to act on it.”

“Thanks,” I lift my lips in a half smile. “I love you guys. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted just getting that off my chest.”

“Anytime, girl! That’s what friends are for. Now, let’s plan a pool day at Riley’s apartment before the summer is up!”

We end the night on a high note with a plan to have drinks by my pool this Friday. I don’t know what I would do without these girls. It’s so rare to make such good friends at work, but to find two of them has been such a blessing.

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