Page 1 of Impossible

Chapter One

Riley

I’m sitting in my car frozen in my seat, while I stare at the cupcakes and balloons. I was so excited this morning that I stopped at the bakery,Bent Fork, on my way to work to get her favorite cupcake flavors. She would always tell me that she was on a diet, but I knew she couldn’t resist these whenever I brought them around. I use any occasion as an excuse to bring desserts, and Becca would complain while she scarfed them down. Now, it’s four o’clock and I just left the school I teach at. I’m supposed to drive over to the hospital to drop these off and meet my best friend’s new baby girl. Only now, I won’t get to give these to Becca, because she’s gone.

How can she be gone? Why was she taken from her family the day after she brought her daughter into this world? This question is playing on repeat in my mind while I’m paralyzed in my seat. Becca and I have been friends since grade school. We played in a traveling volleyball league together. We spent endless weekends together having sleepovers, talking about boys, and watching our favorite shows together. It’s hard for me to think of a memory that she wasn’t a part of. We grew up together in a small town just outside of Chicago calledLake Forest.

She was so excited to become a mom. We spent countless evenings together shopping for clothes and decorating the nursery. I convinced her to go for a more neutral tone in the nursery, so she didn’t have to change everything once the next baby came. That was how we operated, she was the wild one and I was the logical one. She brought out my crazy side, while I did my best to tame her wild side. We balanced each other perfectly.

In this moment, what do I even do? Do I go to the hospital to see the baby? Or does Liam just need space and time with his family? Oh gosh, poor Liam. How is he even going to handle all of this? Him and Becca were perfect for each other, and now she’s gone. I feel like such an idiot, sitting here pitying myself when Liam was the one who lost his wife. Left alone with their baby girl to raise all by himself. How can he even do that? He has a job to go back to, responsibilities to tend to.

When I got the phone call from Becca’s mom, Shirley, I was on my lunch break and almost fell out of my chair. I was a sobbing mess and could barely string a sentence together to tell my friends, Tiffany and Faye, what happened. They helped put me back together so I could finish out the day. I’m a kindergarten teacher and didn’t want to go back into the classroom unless I felt like the students would not detect anything was off. But everythingwasoff and always would be. My life can never be the same without Becca there with me to live it.

I feel like I’m in a state of shock. Like the world is moving by at a normal pace and yet I can’t seem to keep up. My emotions have ceased to exist, which is a scary thing to observe. It’s like an out of body experience, where I can witness myself walking around detached from my surroundings.

When I look at the clock, I realize I’ve been sitting in this trance for twenty minutes. I need to go to the hospital and see Liam and the baby. I just know I won’t be able to function without checking on them. It only takes me fifteen minutes to get there. Once I put my car in park, I look at the cupcakes and balloons and feel a stab of pain as I leave them behind. I check my mirror to make sure I look presentable. My dirty blonde hair is pulled into a low ponytail, and I only have on a bit of mascara. Being a kindergarten teacher is not a glamorous job, so I don’t spend much time getting ready in the morning. I rush through the hospital doors without slowing down until I get to the maternity floor. Liam is standing at the front, talking to someone at the front desk, and he looks exhausted. His brown hair is all disheveled and his blue eyes are red and swollen. When I’m only a couple feet away, he looks up at me. I see the pain and agony in his stare, while we both just look at each other. My emotions seem to come flooding back all at once as tears begin to fill my eyes.

“Riley,” Liam says, barely above a whisper.

“Liam,” I cry. “I’m…I’m so sorry.”

The tears are pouring down my face as I struggle to meet his eyes and witness his grief head on. He takes a step closer and wraps his arms around me, taking me by surprise as he begins to cry onto my shoulder. We both stand there for a long time, just holding each other as we cry together. I cry for the loss of a best friend, the one person in this world who knew the deepest and darkest parts of me, and still loved me.

“Where’s the baby?” I eventually whisper in his shoulder.

Liam releases me and I see a genuine grin cross his face. “Harper, her name is Harper.”

I smile. “Becca’s middle name. That’s perfect. Can I meet her?”

“Sure. I think my parents just met Becca’s parents downstairs for coffee. Harper is in the nursery.”

He begins to walk towards the wide double doors and I falter. He turns around, eyebrows close together, when he sees me stuck in place.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“I’m so sorry, Liam. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t be bothering you right now.”

Liam takes a couple steps to meet me in my place. “What are you saying? You were like a sister to Becca. In fact, she would kill you if you didn’t show up to meet her baby girl right away.” I laugh at that; it sounds like Becca. “And honestly, I could use the company right now. Becca’s and my parents are too afraid to show any emotion around me. Theyre walking on eggshells, and it’s just making everything worse. I want to be around someone who will shed a tear with me.”

“Okay,” I shake my head. “Lead the way.”

After we have made several turns down different corridors, we approach a glass door that says ‘nursery’ on the outside. Liam opens the door and looks around, until he sees a nurse wave him over. When we reach her, I see a beautiful little girl bundled up in a pink floral blanket that looks like something Becca would have bought. The nurse is rocking Harper while she is fast asleep in her arms.

“Can I take her?” Liam asks the nurse, like he needs permission to hold his daughter. I smile at his politeness.

“Of course, you can have her back, baby. She is yours,” the older woman says to Liam.

She stands up and hands Harper to Liam, then walks away to go check on some of the other babies. Liam turns to me, holding this little peanut in his arms until we are inches away.

“Riley, meet Harper,” he pulls back the blanket so I can get a good look at her.

She looks so much like Becca already. I feel like emotions threaten to take over, but right now, I'm meeting the baby girl Becca gave life to. This is ahappymoment.

“She is beautiful, Liam.” I reach out to rub her cheek. The smooth skin soothes my soul. I can feel my body relax as I fall in love with Becca’s baby girl.

“She is, isn’t she?” he asks with a smile on his face. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Of course,” I answer back. I place my purse on the ground and reach for the hand sanitizer. Liam leans in when I’m ready to put her head into the crook of my arm. She squirms around to get comfortable but stays asleep in my arms. Instinct has me swaying my hips back and forth to pacify her. I look at his beautiful girl in my arms and hope she will always know that I’m here for her no matter what, just like her momma was for me.I will always be there for her, Becca.

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