Page 32 of Cry For Mercy

She shot me a look, practically tugging me along, with her tiny hand in mine.

“I hope we are. Oh god, there I go again.” She lowered her eyes again, looking embarrassed.

“We’re going to talk about this later. This thing where you seem to keep judging yourself for your feelings. It’s not necessary, or good for you.”

She looked away. “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder.”

I pulled her to a stop. “Julie, look at me, please.”

She took a moment, but finally met my eyes. “I don’t want you to apologise for how you feel. But I want you to stop beating yourself up. Can you try? Please? For me?”

She tried looking away, but I tilted her chin back up.

“Please?”

She nodded, finally, but I think it was more about escaping the conversation than anything else.

I let her lead me to a local café, not the same one I’d been using, but a closer one. We ordered our food, and sat down with coffees, to wait for them to bring our lunch over.

“So… how’s the case going?” She asked quietly, still seeming out of sorts. Not the bright, energetic woman I’d met last night, who was apparently tired at the time.

“Slowly.” I decided to indulge her, and play along.

“Just slowly?”

I grinned at her, thanking the server as they brought our food over. And yes, I ordered a fry up, and I’m not going to apologise for that.

“I’m waiting for my tech guy to get me tracking data for Harvey’s phone. If you send me your friend’s details, like we discussed, I can do the same with hers.”

She set down her knife and fork. “Dammit. I can’t believe I’m the one holding you up. I’m so sorry.”

I reached over and took one of those delicate hands in mine.

“Hey… You’re not holding up anyone, okay? I have loads to go through, and my guy’s good. He’ll get whatever we need pretty fast, so you’ve done no harm. Look at me, Julie.”

She sighed. “I can’t.”

I squeezed her hand gently. “Look at me, or I’m pulling you into my lap, so I can tilt your chin and look at you nice and close.”

Her breath caught in her throat, but she finally lifted her head again to look at me.

“I’m not at my best today. I’m trying.”

I nodded, still not convinced I wouldn’t end up pulling her into my lap anyway.

“And that’s fine. Trying is good. Failing is okay. None of this is any reason for you to apologise. Or try to explain it away.”

She swallowed hard, those big eyes filling with tears again. Jesus.

“Julie, if we were in private right now, you know I’d be cradling you in my arms, and soothing you, right? I mean, I’m honestly on the verge of doing it anyway. You need comfort, and I want to be the one to give you that.”

She pulled her hand away from me, brushing at her eyes.

“If we were in private right now, I’d like that.”

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