Page 145 of Cry For Mercy

He saw them out, and when he returned, he came straight over to me, crouching down beside the chair.

“Would you feel better if you wore your fluffy pyjamas? I could run you a bath first?”

I nodded eagerly, suddenly really wanting both of those things. He grinned, and reached for my hand, before he cursed and moved away from me.

“Adam, please don’t keep doing that. Now help me out of this damn chair, please. My legs have gone to sleep on me.”

He laughed, and reached out again, letting me throw the blanket back, and use his hands to help me up. They weren’t really asleep, but I’d really twisted myself into a pretzel in the chair.

Once we were upstairs, Adam set the bath running in the bathroom, which was situated between two spare rooms. He showed me where my clothes were, so I could rummage through and grab what I needed. We gathered up my toiletries, and fuzzy pyjamas, and went back to the bathroom.

The water was nice and deep, and we’d added some of my bubble lotion, so it looked heavenly and inviting.

I reached for the zip on the jacket, which I’d been handed at the clinic, along with a pair of sweatpants, and underwear. The second I reached for the zip, I saw Adam turn and head for the door.

“Stop!” I practically yelled, halting him in his tracks. “Please don’t go, Adam. I don’t want to be alone.”

He sighed. “I can wait outside until you’re under the bubbles, little angel. Just shout me.”

He was gone before I could stop him again. I hated that he wouldn’t be around me like this, that he wanted me hidden from his sight. It made me feel even more damaged, and worthless, than I already did.

I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t be around him, if he didn’t want to be around me. I shed the clothes quickly, and then called out to him. He slipped into the room carefully, closing the door, and then he turned to look at me. He clearly expected me to be in the bath, but I wasn’t. I stood naked in the middle of the room.

“Julie. Jesus.” He cast his eyes away, and swallowed hard.

“Adam, if you can’t look at me anymore, or don’t want to see me like this anymore, then I don’t belong here with you. I know he tainted me, with his disgusting body, but I’m still me. Please… try to see me. I’m still here.”

Adam practically choked as gasped. “Fucking hell… Julie… that’s not…” He looked at me then, ran his eyes from my face down my body, and then back to my face.

He stepped closer, and when he reached for my face, I didn’t move. Didn’t panic. Didn’t recoil from him. He stroked my cheek gently.

“Little angel, it’s not that I don’t want to look at you. It’s not that I don’t want you. My god… it’s just that I’m trying to be respectful of you, and your body, and what you’ve been through.”

He swallowed again, and I could see tears in his eyes.

“If you knew how hard it’s been to keep away, and not fucking hold you in my arms, like I need to… I’m just trying to give you space. I’m trying not to overwhelm you. But I love you. And I will always love you, and want you. In every aspect of my life. By my side, in my bed, and fucking everywhere.”

I felt tears on my own cheeks, as I took in every word of what he was saying, saw the truth in his face, as he spoke. He really wasn’t disgusted by me. He still wanted me.

He cleared his throat, his voice shaky when he spoke again. “I’m sorry, I feel like I’m wussing out on you right now. Crying like a bitch. Honestly, I just… it kills me that he hurt you, and I couldn’t protect you. I wanted to protect you from everything. For the rest of our lives.”

He suddenly dropped to his knees, and I pulled him against me, his face pressed against my stomach as he cried, his arms coming up around my back. If it had been anyone else, I’d have been freaking out, but it was Adam. I stroked his hair as we both cried, and finally he looked up at me.

“Let’s get you in that bath, little angel. I’ll sit with you while you bathe. Is that okay?”

I sniffled a little. “Always.”

And that’s what he did.

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