Page 74 of Cry For Mercy

“NO! You’re supposed to rest!”

He opened the eyes he’d squeezed shut. “So either you come here, and let me hold you, or I’ll fucking crawl to your side. This isn’t a conversation to be had from opposite ends of the damn room.”

Wow. I nodded, standing up before he could risk hurting his ribs any further.

“Stay there. I’ll come over.”

He sighed, the relief on his face suddenly obvious. He took my hand when I approached, and guided me onto his lap, without leaning against his wounded ribs. He still let out a pained grunt, when he pulled me against his uninjured side, but the warmth of his strong arm around me, and the feel of his hard chest against my face lent me a strength I wasn’t even sure he had right now.

“So that’s when the cutting started? When you were fifteen?”

I sighed. He wasn’t done with this yet.

“Some time after. I don’t recall exactly. I just know that I discovered that the sudden sharpness of each slice into my skin helps to centre me. Focus me. It stops the… it helps.”

“Stops the what?” He didn’t miss a trick.

I sighed. If I told him, he’d want me away from him. I was too damaged for a man like him to have to put up with.

“Julie, please. I don’t want just the parts of you that you feel comfortable sharing. I want it all. I’ll give you the same in return. It won’t be pretty, but it’s healthy.”

I sighed. “The voice. It makes the voice go away.”

He fell silent, his arm tightening around me. Then he moved his head, pressing his lips against the top of mine.

“Oh little angel, I’m so sorry. That’s what makes you feel bad, when you’re getting close to me, isn’t it?”

I felt tears burning my eyes. How was he so perceptive?

“How did you know?”

“I’ve noticed how you flinch sometimes… as if someone just snapped at you. And you go from sexy and aroused, to declaring yourself a slut, and acting disgusted with yourself. And you have no fucking reason to feel that way. Ever. With anyone. And you know, when I say anyone… I’m already at that stage where I feel like the idea of anyone near you, makes me want to lose my shit.”

How could I possibly deserve someone so kind, and gentle?

You don’t. You’ll taint him with your filth.

**********

ADAM

I physically felt the shudder that ran through her just then.

“Please don’t listen to it, Julie. The voice is wrong, okay? You’re amazing. You’re perfect as you are.”

She pressed her face to my chest as she started to cry, and before long those soft sniffles, and whimpers became great gushing sobs, that were breaking my heart. Firstly, because I couldn’t fix it for her, I couldn’t fix years of abusive parenting, or self-loathing, but also because I couldn’t fucking hold her properly, like she deserved. She needed my arms around her, needed to feel safe, and I wasn’t sure I could even lift my other arm right now.

Her small fists gripped my t-shirt as she just kept crying, and eventually I forced myself to fight through the pain, and the lack of strength on that side, and I managed to get that arm around her too. My hands rubbed her back, and I tried my best to make soothing noises, and to whisper to her, telling her how beautiful and amazing she is.

I had no idea just how much was going on inside that head of hers, but I knew that it was going to be my life’s work to fix it, and heal her, and make her whole again. As long as my job didn’t kill me first.

“I’m sorry. Your t-shirt is… I’ve cried all over it…” Her voice hitched as she lifted her eyes to look at me, and I grinned.

“I’m going to pretend that I give a shit about that, so I can coerce a kiss from you, little angel. Because we both need that right now. Can you bring me those lips? I’m not sure I can move right now.”

Her lips twitched a little, and she reached up to brush at her cheeks, ridding her face of the shiny dampness of her sorrow, and then she carefully moved closer, bringing her lips to mine.

“Come on, my sweet girl, show me how sorry you are about my t-shirt.” She giggled a little, and then her lips slid tentatively over mine. Nope. Not fucking good enough.

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