Page 50 of Protection (Mobsters + Billionaires 2)
ANTHONY
I've managedto avoid Mads for two days. Not exactly proud of that fact, but now we’re at the TED Talk Rand is giving, and Mads is directly in front of me, shifting uncomfortably. He sent me a little wave before taking his seat but otherwise hasn't acknowledged me.
I’ve gotta be a real asshole to get my feelings hurt when all he’s doing is following my lead.
I hate how tired he looks, and I wonder if he’s losing sleep over me or if the amped-up security has him anxious.
Aaaand now I’m an even bigger asshole because I’m hoping the sleep he’s losing is over me.
Rubbing my chest, I refocus on Rand’s talk, which is coming to an end. After the applause, I'm surprised when he calls Joe up to say a few words. Joe strides onto the stage, his hand in his pocket.
I realize what's happening, and hurt flares in my chest.
After some funny banter, Joe drops to his knee and proposes to Rand. There’s more banter, and Rand pulls out a ring as well. They kiss each other like they’re the only two people in the world. And I know exactly how they feel because it’s exactly how I felt in Vienna. It’s romantic as fuck, and my heart pounds, locked in the grip of envy.
Mads wipes his eyes, then hops up and whistles, genuinely glad for his friends. There's a point when it seems like he's going to turn and look up at me, but he hesitates and remains forward-facing.
Later, we gather at the swanky TED Talk cocktail hour and toast the happy couple.
Mads carefully sets himself as far away from me as possible. He looks beautiful, of course, but his well-tailored suit only makes me miss his massive puffer jacket and college-kid aesthetic.
A headache forms behind my eyes. I should've stopped us in Vienna. We never should've gone so far. Even though I know it to be objectively true, I still can't regret it. We were magic together, the very definition of the sum of the whole being more than the parts. I was, regrettably, right about having sex with him in my bed. After he left, I stayed up all night, smelling him on my sheets as longing and regret played Wiffle ball with my heart.
There is no classical music for that kind of heartache.
The flight home was pure torture. I tried to keep it light, sticking to the plans for today, but I couldn’t deny the downturn of his mouth, the way he seemed dimmer for having encountered me.
When he told me I made him feel safe, I should have focused on that, but no. I let his joke about me being his security throw me into a spin of guilt and want.
To be told he’s never felt safer…is music to my ears. Fucking Brahms on steroids. Protecting people is my life’s work. It is who I am at my core. I didn’t realize how powerful it would be to protect someone I care so much about.
What a fucking weak man I am. “Care about.” Ha. We’re way past that now, buddy.
My rules are supposed to protect me, but they seem to be ripping me apart, and I don’t know how to square that circle. All I know is when I'm near Mads, I want to pull him into me, kiss him until he gives me his gorgeous, love-drunk, slack-jawed smile.
Hell, here we are, champagne in hand, celebrating Rand and Joe, and I want nothing more than to shout from the rooftops that I've found my man too. But he’s not my man, and all I’ve got to speak for me are my rules.
As Mads himself would say, smooth move, Ex-Lax.
Luca and Hopper join us as the second round of champagne is poured.
“How's it going, boss?” I ask, clinking his glass and stepping off to the side.
“Hopper here keeps playing cat and mouse with his RICO agent. He was sitting right behind us, and this motherfucker here turned and waved at him.”
I bite back a laugh. Fucking Hopper.
“He was wearing new glasses tonight,” Hopper says dreamily.
I look at Luca with my hands in the air. “Is he falling for this guy?”
Luca rubs his hand across his forehead. “I don't know. Hopper? Do you have a thing for this agent?”
Hopper shrugs. “He's hot, but he’s not interested. I offered him a blowjob last week, but he turned me down. Guess I’ll have to pine from afar.”
Pine from afar? What the?
Wait.
