Page 49 of Protection (Mobsters + Billionaires 2)
MADS
Oh.
I've said the wrong thing.
I tried to tell Anthony that he makes me feel safer than anyone ever has and it feels like magic. He’s so much bigger than me that he could've really hurt me, and not for a second was I worried. Even when my head was banging against the headboard, I knew he would never really hurt me.
Like in my bones, I knew it.
Just like I know he adjusted how hard he went on me, even though he’s capable of so much more. He shed a poet’s tears for me, held me like he cared, and it's something I've missed more than I realized.
I was trying to tell him I wanted more.
And I shouldn't have because we both agreed this would be a one-and-done deal.
You make me feel safeisn't exactly one-and-done talk.
And that's the thing. The look on his face isn't regret or concern. It’s guilt. And I get it, he's my security guy, and he can't exactly secure my safety when he's focused on pleasuring me.
He was so very focused.There was a moment when I knew he was so locked in that the world completely disappeared around us. I loved it because I felt it too. I wasn't sure he was capable of setting aside all his earthly duties in that way.
But he is capable. So. Fucking. Capable.
I wish I’d kept my fucking mouth shut.
In this awkward moment between us, I also realize how much of a sloppy mess I am. Before I can do anything about it, Anthony's gone and back with a steaming hot towel and a bunched jaw. He approaches, then hesitates before placing the towel in my hands.
He wants to clean me himself. I know he does. We’ve crossed so many lines, but he's not going to cross this one.
“Thank you,” he says quietly. Turning around, he lets me wipe myself down in private.
I want desperately to soothe him, to tell him how meaningful this was, to explain myself and somehow make it better, but the stress around his shoulders has returned, the weight firmly back in place. So instead of asking for more, I dress quickly and touch his arm on my way out.
“Thank you, Anthony. I needed this.”
I shut the door behind me, and I can't promise, but I’m certain I hear a whispered, “Me too.”
* * *
The flightback to New York is so very quiet, and our mini-tour of Vienna seems a lifetime ago. I’m grateful when he doesn’t freeze me out, but our conversation is limited to the logistics of the next few days.
Rand is doing a TED Talk to discuss his and Joe’s changes to Wolfe Athletics. Rand plans to propose to Joe after the talk, so I’ll be there. Anthony is going as backup for Rand and Joe and doesn’t think I need my personal security as long as I sit close to him.
I’d jokingly thought Anthony was kind of a robot when he was guarding Rand. Then again, I’ve always seen his softer side, even before our clothes came off.
But the Anthony I’ve been working with these last several months is gone, and the impassioned Anthony from Vienna feels like a ghost, or maybe a figment of my imagination. Edgerton has stepped into his place, and it feels awful.
