Page 16 of Salvation

Luke just walked out of Gabrial’s house after seeing me in Gabrial’s shirt… after I literally rolled straight out of Gabrial’s bed. He ignored me. I called to him, asked him to stop, to listen, but he walked out.

And now Gabrial is asking me if I’m alright.

Am I alright?

No. I am not alright. I saw the censure on Luke’s face. I read the words he didn’t say aloud in his eyes.

He didn’t know I was here…

I hurt him. Seeing me here, like this… I hurt him.

Yet, if I tell Gabrial that I’m upset because I hurt Luke, I’ll hurt Gabrial.

Not that he isn’t already aware.

How the hell did this become my life?

How can I love two men and have relationships with both, yet know I can’t choose either over the other?

What is wrong with me?

Gabrial asks again, “Hope, are you okay?”

I blink, trying to hold back the tears desperately trying to escape as my knees threaten to buckle beneath me. Falling into the couch, I pull my knees up to my chest, so I can cradle them. My arms wrap around them while I hear Gabrial’s deep sigh, and he crosses the room. The couch dips from his weight as he sits next to me. His hand covers my own as they tightly cup my knees. My eyes raise to his and I know I can’t hide the raw emotion in them from him.

He closes his own and his hand tightens on mine. Finally, he exhales and looks at me again. “I’m sorry. I know that was… rough… for you.”

Nodding, I swallow. “It was. I’m sorry. I know that this is shitty and I’m so sorry that you have to see me like this. But I care about Luke, and I know that seeing me here with you…” My hand gestures to his shirt covering my naked body. “like this…

“He was hurt Gabrial.”

He nods and looks away. “I know he was. He loves you. He’s in love with you…

“As am I.”

My heart gallops at his words. He’s right though. I know that he loves me. I know… and I know that Luke loves me. I love them, too. Both of them.

I’m in love with both of them. I don’t understand how one heart can be so completely torn.

I’d always been taught, and believed, that a person couldn’t love two people… that one person couldn’t be “in love” with more than one person… it’s not right. It shouldn’t be possible.

But it is. You can.

Trust me, you can. My heart is solidly split down the middle, and I have no idea what to do about it.

Gabrial needs some kind of response. He deserves some kind of response.

Nodding, I turn my hand so our fingers lace together. “I know you both love me. I love both of you, too.

“I wish I didn’t. I actively wish I didn’t. Trust me, that would make this so much easier. But I can’t not love you both…

“I’ve tried.”

His jaw clenches and he stares into the cold stone fireplace as if the remnants of ashes from the winter have the answers he seeks. His hand tightens over mine and his voice is flat, full of resentful acceptance as he says, “I know you can’t and as much as I wish I could make you choose me… I know you can’t. That is exactly why I’ll never ask that of you.

“I’m not strong enough to do that, Hope.

“You… you are my everything. You are the one thing I love and covet above all else. The one thing that I would do anything for. Even if it means sharing you with another man.

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