Page 43 of Salvation

Hope says nothing after my tortured confession. I didn’t intend to say all that, but I meant it. I do love her and because of the depth of my love, I’m trapped. I can’t be with her the way I want to because she’s with Gabrial in that way, yet every fiber of my being wants nothing more.

I won’t do it though. I refuse. It’s the one thing I am adamant about. I will not do that.

Hope’s tears are splashing onto my naked chest, and I hate that I’ve made her cry.

Finally, she wipes her face and leans up to press her tear-soaked lips to mine. She whispers, “I’m so sorry, Luke. I’m so selfish and I know it. But I do love you. I love you. I’m in love with you.

“I wish I could give you what you want from me. I want to be able to give you all of me, but I just can’t.

“I love you. I love you so much. I always have, but I can’t tell you that I’d choose you over Gabrial.

“I can’t do that. I can’t lie.

“But I can tell you that I can’t choose him over you either.

“I can’t choose either of you, because as fucked up as it is… I love both of you. I know that’s not fair, and I hate that I do this to you both.

“I hate this. I hate it and I know that I should choose you. I know that you are the right choice, but I just can’t…

“As much as I hate that I love you both, the fact is that I love you both.

“I know it’s selfish. I know it’s unhealthy. I know all of this, and I know that it’s dangerous. But I can’t…

“Gabrial is my curse. He’s my forbidden apple, but I can’t not love him. I wish I could…

“And you… I love you with everything in me, Luke. I do. I’ve loved you my entire life. I cannot imagine my life without you in it.

“Maybe I should just break it off with you… with both of you. Just walk away and end this insanity.

“That would be better for you… for both of you. I hate that the love you once felt for each other is tainted by this… by me…

“I need to end this.

“I’m so sorry, Luke.”

I feel stricken, desolate.

What the hell is she talking about? She could do that? Walk away?

I know what I need to do… what the right thing to do is… but I also know that I’m not going to do it. I can’t.

I love her.

* * *

Stepping back from me,he crosses to the hall and grabs our clothes. As he steps back into the room, he flips the light switch. The light temporarily blinds me. As my eyes clear, he hands me my shirt and crosses to grab the remainder of my clothes. Handing me all of them, he says, “Get dressed.”

Get dressed? I just told him I thought that ending things with both him AND Gabrial may be best, and he didn’t refute that.

He isn’t arguing with me.

Does he think that would be best?

Is he willing to end this? Walk away?

What did I just do?

I’m going to pass out.

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