Page 25 of False Start

I jammed my hand through my hair, forgetting that I cut most of it off, and set my coffee on the table in front of me. “There was no kissing. Who the hell is telling everyone I was kissing her? She had a rib out of place. I fixed it. End of story.”

“Well, you know how these things are. Stories get embellished.”

“You think?”

“But you want to kiss her.”

“This is a trap. I feel it.” And fuck yeah, I wanted to kiss her. I was pretty sure the feeling was mutual, only it looked like the both of us were smart enough to not act on it.

I still didn’t know if I was happy about our mutual sense of caution and responsibility.

“You don’t have to answer that. The fact that you didn’t immediately say no was answer enough.”

“I’m going to need a nap after this visit.”

“That’s not my fault. Must be because you’re getting old.”

“I’m not getting old.”

“You’re in your mid-thirties with no girlfriend, no wife, hell, you don’t even have a pet. You’re stuck. No shame in admitting it.”

“I’ve only got five years on you and you’re in exactly the same boat.” On firmer ground and relatively sure I wouldn’t drown myself in Lana’s living room, I picked up my cup again and took a gulp of coffee.

“Ahhh, but I’m not. I have a boyfriend.”

Fuuuuccccckkkkkkk! I coughed, sputtered, and pounded a fist against my chest, trying to clear my esophagus.

“When did this happen?” I choked out, my eyes watering again, and a tickle in my sinuses trying to strong-arm me into a sneezing fit.

“A few months ago.”

“I’m surprised Patti didn’t say anything. She loves spreading news like this.”

“She doesn’t know. Unlike you, I’m good at keeping my business private. Plus, I’m saving this news for when I really need it.”

I spun on the couch until I faced her head-on. “Who is this guy? What does he do? He better not be taking advantage of you.”

She patted my hand and laughed. “He’s a physical therapist and no, he’s not taking advantage of me. I put him in his place right away.”

“Your physical therapist?”

“Not anymore. That would be unethical.”

“Says the woman dabbling in hacking. Okay, spill.”

“I told him I was worried that I couldn’t have an orgasm.”

“Whoa! Hold up,” I said, throwing my hands in the air between us. “I’ve changed my mind; I don’t want to hear.”

“Shut up,” she said, smacking away my hands. “You’re a big boy. There’s no way a guy as hot as you hasn’t taken a tour or a thousand around a vag, so buck up.”

“Hot maybe, but then there’s that glowing personality of mine that you reminded me of.” I closed my eyes and sighed. When I opened them, she was very much waiting for me to get on board with what was to come. “And here I thought my biggest worry was that I might get stuck delivering my own sister’s baby. This is worse. Way worse.”

“So, I asked him how that works out for people like me. You know what that shit said? He told me to try to ring my bell and let him know how it worked out. I bet that wasn’t in the employee handbook. Like I hadn’t tried that already,” she said with another roll of her eyes while I simultaneously died inside. “Yeesh. What is it with you guys anyway? I got so mad I rang his bells instead. Punched him right in the sac.”

“Jesus, Lana. You assaulted him?”

“Sure, but it worked out. He apologized for making it seem like he didn’t take me seriously, and I told him he could make it up to me by being a willing participant in my orgasm experiment. Good news,” she said with a lift of her cup like she was toasting her good fortune, “I can definitely have orgasms.”

“God, you just had to tell me that when you know damn well I can’t get good and drunk to mind scrub that right out of my head.”

“Maybe. I might enjoy watching you squirm a little. The point is, Coach. I’m good. He’s good. He’s very good. Most importantly, I wouldn’t change a thing.” She laid her hand over mine and squeezed. “I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

I turned my palm over and laced my fingers with hers and cleared my thick throat. “Glad to hear it.”

“But what about you, Coach? Are you right where you’re supposed to be?”

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