Page 130 of False Start

“Just checking. He’s anxious to get here. I can see his head. I’m ready so when you feel the urge to push, I want you to take in a deep breath and bear down for ten seconds, okay?”

She glanced up at Mayhem and back at me. “This is not how I saw this going.”

“Same, Lil. Same. But we’ve got this. You and me, right?” She was becoming a mother right before my eyes, but when I looked at her, I still saw that young, resilient girl. “Always. Now come on. You’re strong, you’ve got this.”

Mayhem murmured to her, a smile on her lips despite the worry in her eyes. She asked Lilith about names, if they were going to baptize him, which parent they hoped he looked like—all the happy things, naturally steering Lilith away from all the ways this could go wrong.

When Lilith bowed up again, Mayhem immediately spoke into Lilith’s ear, a thread of calm in her voice, reminding her what she needed to do.

The woman took to every situation and stepped in doing what needed to be done with grace and dedication. No whining. No bitching. No hysterics.

Present, calming, and solid. Ready to dig in and work.

Just like my grandma.

My grandmother would have adored her.

“That’s good. His head is almost out. One more big breath and push.”

She followed Mayhem’s every quiet direction, the two of them in sync, pushing through the fear and pain.

“That’s it, his head is out.” I suctioned out his nose and mouth and dropped the bulb syringe on the pad in the sled before cupping his head gently. “Okay, listen to your body, it knows what to do. When you’re ready, give me another push.”

Sirens wailed in the distance.

Thank God.

Lilith bared down, his one shoulder sliding out.

“Good, now one more, Lil. Give it everything this time.”

Lights flashed through the trees.

Bearing down again, Lilith let out a sharp cry as he slid out with her final push, his slippery little body sliding right into my hands.

Lilith’s heavy breathing echoed in the barn, slowly, ever so slowly her breaths stretching out.

Silence.

I rubbed over him with a towel.

He didn’t cry.

Mayhem glanced up at me, a stricken look on her face as her eyes filled with tears.

My heart pounded in my ears as I turned him over on my arm and vigorously rubbed up and down his spine. “Come on, buddy.”

“He’s not crying,” Lilith said with a sob. “Why isn’t he crying?”

This would not happen to him.

No. No. No. Dammit, no!

“Come on, little guy,” I whispered.

The seconds ticked off in my head as I started focusing on the narrow window we had to get oxygen in him.

Thump, thump, thump…my heartbeat pounding edge of panic in my head.

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