Page 127 of False Start

“No.” I took his face in my hands and turned him to me. “You were a child too. And your father was supposed to protect you all. Your brother paid a horrible price for your father’s mistakes—and the price you paid—the price you continue to pay is just as high.”

“You don’t understand—”

“I don’t understand? My mother had no ties. She moved me from town to town on a whim while I hid the tears from the heartache of leaving one more town, one more friend, a school I loved. My mother was kind, loving, and she adored me—but she was a fuckup.”

“Mayhem—”

“It’s okay. It’s true. Every day watching you put up with the judgment here to do what’s best for the people you love tore away the romanticism of what she did. She didn’t end up in jail; she didn’t put me in harm’s way with drug dealers and criminals, but the wounds cut deep just the same.” I pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and breathed him in as my heart ached for both of us. “When it got hard, she ran. You’re weird,” I said brushing my thumb over his warm bottom lip. “You run when you think they’ve made it easier on you, but maybe you run because when it’s easy, you have no choice but to stare down the demons you’ve been ignoring for so long.”

“What are your demons?” he asked quietly.

“I’ve been afraid to speak up, to rock the boat, because I’m so damn scared I would lose what little hold I had on this town because I’ve never had a home,” I said, surprised how easily they rolled off my tongue now when I’d never dared to voice them before.

He did that.

He gave me strength and confidence to finally admit them without fear.

The same strength and confidence he gave me on the track.

But my insecurities, between never having roots and losing Tilly for so long, were a bit more distinct than his making them easier to tackle.

His twisted around one another. Loss, betrayal, guilt, and anger he’d sought refuge from on the track and in this sport. The tug of home offering comfort, but also stark truth.

His other half—he was never coming back.

And all of it twisted in Lana’s accident and his habit of protecting her above all.

With Lana finally coming clean, it only left lasting fragments of the parts of his past to focus on. The parts of him still left broken.

He looked into my eyes, a hint of a smile there, his face softening just a bit. “You don’t have to keep fighting to hold on, because they’re holding on to you.”

He may be right, but I still couldn’t see it. Couldn’t trust the bond completely. Not quite yet.

But I could see the bond he had with them. Even at the height of scrutiny, Patti, the sheriff, his friends on the police force, his family—even when circumstances cast him in a questioning light, they never wavered on his integrity. Not once.

I brushed another kiss over his lips. “You’ve spent so much time protecting people all because of the one person you can’t protect. What happens when the day comes that everyone is okay at the same time and there’s no one else who needs you to protect them? Will you finally let yourself live life then?”

CAIN

She seducedme with her soft touch and her remarkable calm, coaxing me into confession. Drawing pain into the light before working to shape it with logic and truth.

Logic and truth I wasn’t ready to accept.

I didn’t know what the right thing was anymore; I just knew I was tired of watching the people I cared about pay for my mistakes.

My skin prickled and I shook my head trying to clear the thoughts—my past a cluster of aggressive vines tangling through my present.

My own twin called me a traitor, the last words he ever spoke to me, my own exact replica looking back at me with such venom and betrayal. It didn’t matter what anyone said, I still felt his words and I didn’t know how to stop.

But when I had a purpose, when people needed me, I could forget how much he hated me in our last moments together.

I stared at the dark house until it blurred and came into focus again. “Something’s not right.”

“What?” Mayhem asked, glancing over her shoulder at the house.

“The house is dark.”

“Lilith probably just went to bed. She is actively making a whole human, you know.”

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