Page 28 of Renegade

“What time is your flight tomorrow,” Fitz asks.

I sigh and look at him. “It leaves at three o’clock, which means I need to be there at like noon.”

He reaches for my hand that I have resting on my lap and squeezes. “I’ll definitely miss you.”

Before I can tell him the same, Poppy is yelling for us all to stand up and get together. We do and Fitz wraps his arm around me. This is a picture I will look at often and smile, probably cry too.

We all sit back down, except for Fitz. “I’d like to make a toast,” he says and smiles. We all reach for our glasses as he starts. “I think this week, I’ve learned more about myself than I have in the last twenty seven years. Some of it good, some of it shitty, but all of it because of this beautiful woman right here,” he says, looking down at me, his eyes catching mine briefly. He looks back around at the rest of the table and continues, “I think we might have taught her a thing or two also. I mean shit, when she got here she liked country music.” They all boo and I laugh. “Now, she has great taste in music and she’s gained four more lifelong friends. Brooklyn, thank you for coming into our lives and for allowing us to spend this week with you. You’ll be missed and never forgotten.” I try to stop the tears, but one falls before I can help it.

Everyone raises their glass and agrees, telling me how much they will miss me. It’s just so hard knowing this is the last time I will be in the company of these amazing people. “I’d like to say something,” I say and they all look at me. “I’m going to miss you guys more than you could ever imagine. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so accepted, actually I’ve never in my life felt so accepted. I hate to have to leave, but I’m so thankful for the memories.” I look at Fitz when I say that and he gives me a sad smile. “I don’t think of you guys as the famous Renegade, but I think of you as my friends.” I choke back a sob and sip my drink.

Everyone starts talking again and I just take it all in. I try to memorize the laughs and movements of each of them, so I can close my eyes at home and remember. I watch Poppy laugh at something Nate says before he leans in and kisses her. I watch Ethen and Ralph talk and laugh about their dates or sex partners, last night. Then I turn to Fitz and he is staring at me. “Just memorizing everything about everyone,” I say.

“I don’t need to, you’re already etched in my memory,” he says, running his hand down my cheek.

My heart skips a beat and my pulse picks up. I’m not sure if it’s his touch or his words, but I can’t look away from him. There have been countless times on this visit that I wanted to kiss him. To know what it would feel like to have his lips on mine, to know his taste and feel his arms around me. However, right now, with the way he looks at me, I want it so badly. I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything and I know it’s time to leave.

“We need to head home. I have to pack still and I’m not very good at goodbyes, so I need to just get it over with,” I say, breaking my stare and looking around at everyone. I stand up and everyone else follows.

Ralph comes to me and hugs me so tight that it’s hard to breathe. “Damn, I’m going to miss you Brooklyn. Take care of yourself and come see us in California.” I can’t find my voice so I just nod against him.

Ethen grabs me next and lifts me up, spinning me in a circle. “You’re the first girl that’s been around, besides Poppy, that I didn’t want to fuck and that’s only because I’ve grown to love you. You are one of the best chicks I’ve ever met and I wish you’d just stay with us forever. Make sure you keep in touch.” The tears have started and I once again just nod and smile.

Nate comes up to me and smiles his big smile. “I wasn’t sure what Poppy’s oldest friend would be like. I had so many ideas and none of them measured up to how fucking amazing you truly are. I’m honored to call you my friend now too. Please make sure you keep in touch with us and when we are in your neck of the woods, we will definitely be getting together,” he says before hugging me tight.

They all slowly make their way to stand by the door and Fitz grabs me. I start to cry, full on cry, into his chest while he rubs my back. The thought that this is the last time I will be with him, makes me wish I’d done a million things differently on this visit. I wish I would have kissed him, I wish I’d have cried less and enjoyed more, I wish I would have stayed at his place last night and I fucking wish I wasn’t with Hank.

“Brooklyn, I’m a musician and words are what I do, but right now I can’t find any. There are no words to explain how I feel. I meant it when I said that I won’t forget you, not even when you land and start living your life without me.” He squeezes me tighter and kisses my head. “Thank you for coming and making me remember who I am. Damn, I’m going to miss you. Please, I know you have a boyfriend, but every once in a while, shoot me a text. Just to say hi, so I know you are alright.”

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to let go. “I promise I will. I’m going to miss you so much. I don’t want to leave you,” I cry out and he just continues to rub my back.

“Brooklyn, the cab is here. So whenever you’re ready,” Poppy yells and I pull back a bit from him.

“I don’t want to let you go, but I need to.” He kisses my forehead, letting his lips linger for a few minutes before pulling away. He looks at me and wipes my tears with his thumbs. “Be safe and I hope to fuck that Hank knows what he has.”

“Bye Fitz,” I say and walk away before I tell him that Hank has no idea what he has. That he hasn’t called once during this trip or even texted to see if I made it here safely. I walk away from Fitz, but I’m pretty sure I leave a part of me behind. A part of me that I love and wish I could be back at home.

**

The next morning, Poppy and I have breakfast and cry. Neither of us are ready for me to go, but we need to head to the airport. Leaving her apartment is hard, I love it here. Watching the city for the last time brings tears to my eyes and when I see the Empire State Building, I break down.

“Awe, Brooklyn. He’s hurting as bad as you are, believe me,” Poppy says, wrapping her arm around me and I rest my head on her shoulder.

We stay like that until we reach the airport. We get out and begin the process of checking my luggage, going through security and having everything checked. Once I’m done, it’s time for me to say goodbye to Poppy and get on the plane. We hug each other and both cry again. “Thank you for this week Poppy. It was life changing. I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Brooklyn, it was more than I’d thought it would be. I wish we had more time,” she says. “You call me when you land and if I find out Hank is anything but a sweetheart to you, I will fly out there myself and kick his ass.”

I giggle and pull away from her. “I promise I will call you.” I squeeze her hands and smile through my tears. “Thank you for everything.”

I turn to walk to the gate and I hear, “Wait. Brooklyn, wait.” I turn around and see Fitz, running full speed toward me and I cover my mouth with my hand.

I look at Poppy and she shrugs her shoulders. “I swear I had no idea.”

Fitz reaches me and holds onto the top of my arms, taking a deep breath. “Brooklyn, stay. The thought of you leaving is killing me, I can’t bare it. I want you here, with me.”

Hot tears stain my cheeks as I hold onto every bit of resolve I have left. I look into his watery blue eyes and my heart shatters in my chest. The hope I see in them makes this the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. “I can’t Fitz. I have to go.”

“You don’t get it do you? We may not have crossed any lines physically, but my heart did. I fell for you Brooklyn,” he says and starts to move in for a kiss.

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