‘You don’t like him, I know you don’t.’ Josh manoeuvred himself up in bed.
‘That is simply not true. I do like him, he’s a good man and a good father and I admire all the work he’s done on the shop.’
Josh looked down, gripping the book he’d been reading too tightly.
She tucked a finger under his chin, to tip his face up to hers. The mix of wariness and confusion on
his face disturbed her.
‘Why do you think I don’t like Art?’
Had Josh seen more than she’d wanted him to see? Had he sensed the physical attraction between them, the razor-sharp sexual tension that just kept building and building despite all their best efforts to stop it, and confused it for something else? The thought troubled her. As if this situation wasn’t already problematic enough.
‘I know you don’t like him, because you don’t like Daddy either,’ he said, and the guilt punched her in the gut.
‘What do you mean?’ She forced the question out, sick with dread.
She’d never argued with Dan, not in front of Josh. Had always assumed that he had no knowledge of the stresses and strains in their marriage. In fact, she’d prided herself on being able to keep all the anguish and agony of Dan’s betrayals, the fallout from their failing relationship away from their son. Josh was the innocent in all this, she didn’t want him to have to deal with any of the emotions she’d had to deal with as a teenager, confused and alone and secretly scared that something she had done had led to her parents’ break-up.
‘Sometimes…’ Josh paused, his guileless expression a damning reminder that however close to puberty he might be, he was still a child. ‘Sometimes when you speak to Daddy, it’s like you’re shouting at him in your head. It’s like you hate him.’
Ellie felt all her anxiety, all her worries about the divorce coalesce into a great big bundle of regret in the pit of her stomach.
Apparently the conversation she’d been busy avoiding for two months – for years really – was going to happen now. And she didn’t exactly feel prepared for it.
Winging it was not her forte. She preferred to plot and plan, consider all the possible pitfalls and work out a strategy before she did anything. But somehow her cowardice had got her into a situation where this conversation had snuck up on her without her preparing for it properly.
Honesty was the only possible policy now. Honesty and courage. What a shame she’d abandoned both years ago.
‘First of all, I don’t hate your father.’
‘Then why do you never talk to him on Skype?’
‘Because we’re not as good friends any more as we used to be.’ She cleared her throat, aware of the white lie in the statement. Had they ever really been friends? No wonder their marriage had been such an abject failure. ‘And we’ve decided to get a divorce.’
Josh stared, his eyes widening, as he processed the information. ‘You mean like Jesse Yates’s parents?’
‘Yes,’ she said, having a vague memory of the boy whom Josh had known in elementary school.
Josh’s eyes widened as he processed the information. ‘Does that mean I’m never going to see Daddy again, like Jesse never saw his daddy?’
‘No. Of course not.’ She gathered him close in her arms, his wet head snug under her chin as she hugged him tight.
Pulling back, she held Josh by the shoulders. ‘Once we get everything sorted in Orchard Harbor, we’ll have to live in separate houses, but you’ll be able to go and visit him, probably on weekends. And during the holidays.’ Why hadn’t she considered Josh’s feelings? ‘We’ve only been here the whole summer because I thought it would be nice to take a break from everything.’
Just because Josh had never said anything about seeing Dan, just because he’d seemed to be having such a good time on the farm this summer, she still should have consulted him. Of course he missed his dad. Dan might not be the best father, but she knew how much her son craved his attention.
‘Do you want to go home? To see your dad? Is that it?’ Maybe a good place to start would be to ask Josh how he felt, instead of making the decisions for him.
Josh blinked, his brows wrinkling in concentration before he spoke. ‘Not right away,’ he said.
The huge surge of relief made her feel light-headed. And she wasn’t even sure where it came from. They would have to go back to the US. Maybe not to Orchard Harbor, but somewhere close by – she couldn’t separate Josh from his father indefinitely. That had always been understood.
‘I like it here,’ Josh continued. ‘Better than Orchard Harbor. Toto’s my best friend ever and even her school isn’t too bad. And Granny’s so nice to me all the time. But…’ He hesitated and stared back at Harry Potter.
‘But what, Josh?’
He lifted his shoulder then dropped it. ‘When Toto and me were with her dad today…’ He looked up at her, worrying his bottom lip in a way she hadn’t seen him do in months. ‘I wished my dad would do stuff like that with me.’