Page 56 of Summer At Willow Tree Farm

Of course, he’d have to offer to take over Rob’s early morning milking schedule. But having to get up at 4 a.m. each day for a month to commune with a load of cows ought to teach him to keep his stupid mouth away from Ellie’s.

He listened to the indistinguishable murmur of conversation drifting up from the farmyard now that Dee had turned down George. Josh and Toto shouted and laughed, getting chased round the yard by one of the Jackson twins, while the adults sat jammed together finishing their meal in the twilight.

His gaze tracked instinctively to Ellie, who was tucked in between Jacob and Rob, her blonde hair shining in the glimmer of the fairy lights. He ran his tongue over his lips, tasting the perfumed echo of the gin. His pulse spiked at the memory of her soft sob of breath. The darting licks of her tongue as she explored his mouth.

He adjusted his jeans, feeling the pressure as the blood flowed into his lap.

He definitely needed to stay away from her.

‘I thought I’d find you up here.’

He jolted at the sound of Dee’s voice as her figure separated from the shadow of the trees.

‘I brought you some supper.’ She lifted the plate of food she held. ‘No need for you to go hungry while you sulk.’ She breathed deeply as she made her way to the top of the small hill.

‘I’m not sulking.’ If only it were that simple.

Dee sent him a sceptical side eye as she handed him the plate then produced a knife and fork wrapped in a napkin from the back pocket of her jeans.

‘Then why didn’t you come down to have supper with the rest of us?’

He perched the plate on his knees, and picked up a kebab. Tearing a cube of lamb off with his teeth, he took his time chewing the spicy, succulent meat.

She waited for him to swallow.

As they sat together in the gathering darkness, the fairy lights from the farmyard illuminating the scene below, the guilt felt as if it might choke him.

Who was he kidding? Maybe he hadn’t deliberately tried to make Ellie leave that summer, but he had been a total shit to her most of the time. And the reason for that, it seemed so obvious now, was jealousy. She’d had Dee and he hadn’t. What would he do if he lost Dee’s friendship? If she stopped caring about him sitting up here on his own? If she stopped worrying about whether he’d eaten or not? He’d always hated being fussed over, but what if Dee never fussed over him again? He was so used to it now he would miss it.

‘I had some stuff to finish up in the workshop,’ he said, in answer to her question – an answer that was almost true.

‘Then why are you sitting all the way up here on your own instead of finishing up that stuff in the workshop?’

She had him there.

‘Because I finished and I wanted some quiet.’ That was better, more convincing. ‘I wasn’t in the mood for company.’ Which was actually true. He certainly wasn’t in the mood for a particular person’s company.

‘So is this a problem with the project still, or is it Ellie?’

The fork he’d been using to shovel up a mouthful of Dee’s salad selection clattered onto the plate. ‘What?’

Dee sighed. ‘Are you still sulking about the project going ahead, or is this an issue with Ellie? Because she spoke to me this morning, in the grips of a terrible hangover, and told me you two had come to an accord.’

An accord? Is that what they were calling it?

‘We had a few drinks, that was all.’ Panic skittered up his spine. What else had Ellie told her mother? ‘And I told you I’m not sulking.’ Much.

‘She also told me what you accused her of after our initial project meeting.’

Oh hell. The guilt hissed and twisted inside him like a snake. ‘I’ve got legitimate concerns about the project.’

‘Which have been duly noted,’ Dee said, patiently. She didn’t sound angry, just resigned. He wasn’t sure what was worse. ‘And, as I told you then, you don’t have to protect me, to protect any of us. Ellie didn’t come up with this idea all on her own. We came up with it together. So you need to stop being so hostile towards her.’

She knew. He could hear it in her voice. The disappointment. The distance. Ellie had told her everything. All the stupid, nasty things he’d done as a teenager to push her away, to make her feel like dirt, and now Dee was here to cut him loose. And, the worst of it was, he knew on some level he deserved it.

He ducked his head, staring at the plate half full of the colourful salads she’d brought up to him, not hungry any more. ‘I’m sorry, I never meant to make her go,’ he said, resigned too now.

His relationship with Dee would never be the same again. But whose fault was that? Ever since Ellie had returned, it had been bound to come out. What an arse wipe he’d been as a kid. He’d been hostile towards Ellie as soon as she had reappeared, because he’d been scared. Maybe if he’d managed to stay away from Ellie, managed not to let all those self-destructive urges come out of hiding last night, he wouldn’t have exposed himself to this. But he hadn’t and now Dee knew. That she’d spent nineteen years without a daughter, because of him.

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