Page 46 of His Best Mistake

“Self-defence, mainly. Not that it’s any excuse.”

But it was, and despite her best intentions Stella felt her heart soften a little, even though his love for his wife probably meant that he’d never be free to love anyone else, such as her. “It must have been a difficult time for you,” she said, her throat tightening at the thought it.

Jack snapped his head up at that and his gaze collided with hers. “You knew?”

“I guessed.”

He frowned. “How?”

“Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? I mean, I can’t begin imagine the memories…”

He stared at her as if completely and utterly baffled. “What are you talking about?” he said. “What memories?”

And now it was Stella’s turn to be baffled because as she’d said, wasn’t it obvious? “Well, of Mia, of course.”

For a moment there was silence but then a second later Jack’s brow suddenly cleared and totally unexpectedly, he grinned. Stella stared at him, pole-axed. She’d mentioned his wife and he actually grinned. What was that all about?

“No. You’ve got that completely wrong,” he said. “I was terrified, yes, but I wasn’t thinking about Mia. I was thinking only of you.”

“Me?” she echoed in surprise, something beginning to unfurl inside her, something that felt alarmingly like hope.

“Yes, you. I haven’t thought about Mia in quite a while. I told you I was conflicted, didn’t I? Well, that happened because ever since she died I’ve been riddled with grief over what happened and guilt that I wasn’t there to somehow prevent it. Since I met you, though, that’s turned to, I don’t know, I suppose a low level sort of sorrow and regret. It’ll probably never completely go away but that’s all right now.”

/> He paused, rubbed his hands over his face and then began to pace up and down in front of her. “What’s not all right, though, is what a complete and utter idiot I’ve been when it comes to you. The thing is, Stella, in that hospital I realised I’d already lost one person I loved under similar circumstances and I didn’t think I’d be able to cope if it happened again. I thought if I got you away I’d be safe. Protected. God knows why. You’ve shattered my defences so thoroughly I have no armour left.”

“So what exactly are you saying, Jack?” said Stella, watching him stride back and forth, her heart now thumping because, hang on, was she the other person?

“The minute we met you turned my life upside down. When our eyes met in that rear-view mirror just after I’d crashed the car it felt like I’d been punched in the gut. I wasn’t even looking for you. I wasn’t looking for anyone. I was quite content with going through the motions and getting through the days. But you shook me up right from the very start. You made me feel alive again. That night we spent together was the first time I’d slept with anyone other than Mia and it was incredible. But the guilt. God, the guilt. And then there was no guilt, just you and me and the talking, and now I’m so in love with you I can hardly think straight. I love you and I’m so sorry I hurt you and I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you. Anything.”

*

Jack stopped then and looked at her, his heart hammering and his entire body bursting with emotion. Stella on the other hand was sitting there, looking rather stunned. He couldn’t really blame her. It would be nice if she said something in response though. But she didn’t. She just stared at him blankly and suddenly it occurred to him that maybe he was too late. Maybe he’d never had a chance in the first place.

Had she ever actually given any indication that she might want anything from him? His mind raced, his head pounding and his blood chilling, as he mentally went through the evidence and realised that no, she hadn’t. She was attracted to him, but that didn’t mean anything. That didn’t mean she felt the same way about him as he did about her, and if she didn’t, then here he was spilling out his soul, giving her the opportunity to crucify him.

“I thought there was something wrong with me,” she said, her voice cracking and slamming him back to the present.

What? What? His chest tightened. “Wrong with you?” he said, the realisation of how badly he must have hurt her just about killing him. “There’s nothing wrong with you at all. I’m the one who has something wrong with him.”

“One minute you were trying to get me into bed, the next you were telling me you wanted me to go. I thought you were on my side, Jack, and then I discovered you weren’t.”

“I will always be on your side,” he vowed, and he’d never meant anything more. “Always.”

“But what if I’m not good enough?” she said, her eyes clouding over for a second.

“Not good enough for what?”

“Not what. Who.”

A streak of pure protectiveness shot through him then and he felt his hands curl into fists. “Did someone make you feel you aren’t good enough?” he growled. “Who? Your parents?”

“Yes.”

“Brad?”

“Yes.”

“Me?” he said and paled slightly.

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