Page 27 of His Best Mistake

“I wish he’d explained,” said Stella, thinking that if only he had she’d never have left him there like that at the station. She’d at least have considered his requests instead of dismissing them out of hand. She’d never have told him he was the problem.

“Look,” said Cora, cutting into her thoughts and snapping her back to the present, “I don’t particularly like you – that much I think is obvious. But the situation is what it is, and this is basically Jack’s worst nightmare. So if you can bring yourself to think about him for a moment, go easy on him.”

“I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” Cora stood up and looked down at Stella, her expression maybe a little less Arctic than when she’d arrived. “In other news,” she said, hoisting the strap of her handbag over her shoulder, “you might like to know that I also learned last night that Brad’s location has been narrowed down to a spot on the Costa del Sol. I’m off to Spain tomorrow to go and confront him. Is there any special message you’d like me to pass on?”

“A kick to the balls would do,” muttered Stella, too busy wondering what she was going to do with this new information regarding Jack to care much.

“I’ll deliver it personally.”

*

Once Cora had gone, Stella sat in front of the fire, with her back to the sofa and her knees pulled to her chest, her head spinning and her heart turning over. She couldn’t stop thinking about Jack and what he must have suffered.

How had he got through it? To have lost his wife and unborn child in such a tragic way must have been unbearable. She couldn’t begin to imagine the grief. And now, even if the passage of time had alleviated the devastation somewhat, he was going to have to relive the memory of it every single day.

OK, so it wasn’t exactly the same. She and Jack weren’t married. They weren’t in love. But still. There was a baby, his baby, and now she could totally see why he was so keen to have her close. Everything about the way he’d behaved since she’d delivered her news – his initial reaction, that meeting at Paddington Station and in particular, his insistence on keeping her close by any means possible – now made perfect sense.

So would it really be such a big deal if she allowed him to keep an eye on her? It would be for a relatively short time, and the obstacles she’d presented him with at the station were hardly insurmountable. She could easily work in London. Or maybe she could even do something about the coffee table book of her work that she’d always wanted to compile. In fact, the change of scenery might even turn out to be inspiring. Whenever she currently had time off there always seemed something in the house that needed to be done. A rattling window to fix. A leaky tap. Pictures that needed to be hung. There’d be none of that if she moved in with Jack.

His apartment sounded as though it had more than enough room for the two of them, and they did have to get to know one another at least to some degree if they were going to do this. She ought to find out what sort of man the father of her child was, especially since they were going to be bound together for a while. Quite possibly for the rest of their lives, in fact…

The enormity of the commitment she was considering hit Stella squarely in the chest, then, with the force of a freight train, and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. Her head swam and her stomach churned and panic suddenly surged inside her. How on earth was she going to manage it? She’d never committed to anyone before. Whenever she’d tried it, she’d failed. Now she was considering not only committing – sort of – to Jack but also to a baby. For whom she would have responsibility for ever. This was huge. The stakes were sky high and ocean deep. She wouldn’t be able to fail this time, yet how could she not?

Come to think of it, what had ever made her think she would make a suitable parent in the first place? Her own very dysfunctional parents were hardly good role models and heaven knew she was riddled with issues. Children needed emotionally open and stable people around them and she was neither. She must have been nuts to even consider it, therefore. In fact, she was nuts. She couldn’t do this, any of it, she really couldn’t, and oh God…

Closing her eyes, Stella took a deep breath and let it out as slowly as she possibly could and then did it again, until her heart stopped racing and the panic subsided.

No, she told herself, struggling for calm. She could do this and she would make it work. She would be a good mother. As good as she could be, at any rate. She’d just have to work it out and get on with it. And clearly Jack was a complicated individual, who might on occasion require careful handling, but she’d simply have to learn to accommodate that, just as he’d have to learn to accommodate her many, many flaws.

At least the attraction she seemed to still feel for him presented no danger. She’d be more than able to keep that under control. She might have had hot, sweaty sex with him a handful of hours after meeting him but that had been a strange weekend, which had come at the end of a very weird month. The circumstances had been unique. She didn’t need to worry about a repeat. She had no intention of sleeping with him again. The thought of sex made her want to throw up anyway, and she seriously doubted Jack would want to sleep with her either. She was covered in spots, her hair was lank and she carried around with her a whiff of eau de vomit. She wasn’t exactly an attractive proposition. And after the baby was born? Well, then there’d be other things to think about.

Besides, she’d learned her lesson. Sex would lead to emotion and emotions could lead her headlong into love and she was done with that. She was sick of the hurt and the heartbreak, the shattered hope and the crushing disappointment when yet another relationship crashed and burned. It had become too hard to pick herself up and dust herself off.

Romance sucked and she couldn’t afford to get caught up in it. Not now when there was a baby to think of. A cool head and a practical nature were what was needed here, and if ever there was a time to put all that therapy she’d had at eighteen into practice, now was it.

She could do it. She could open up, try to explore her feelings a bit more and communicate better. She wouldn’t withdraw when she came up against something she couldn’t handle. She would be rational and sensible and learn some skills from Jack since it was obvious that, the current situation aside, he and his sister were enviably close.

Taking a deep breath and praying she wasn’t making a massive mistake Stella reached for her phone and dialled his number.

“Jack?” she said when he answered. “It’s Stella. Look, I’m not going to marry you or anything, but if we’re going to do this together then we should probably get to know each other a bit better. So if you still want me to move in with you for a month or two, just until I’m out of the first trimester or whatever, then that would be OK.”

“When?”

“Saturday?”

“I’ll see you then.”

Chapter Eight

Jack threw the ingredients for a stir-fry – including a bucketload of ginger – into a wok. The relief at having Stella finally under his roof was overwhelming. She and two suitcases had arrived late afternoon a couple of hours ago in the taxi he’d sent for her and she was now here and safe, and all that mattered was keeping her that way.

The scorching attraction he still seemed to feel for her was irritating and inconvenient, but he’d just have to deal with that because how he felt about her physically was irrelevant. Sex was what had got them into this complicated mess in the first place and indulging in it again would hardly make things simpler. Resisting her allure might require every drop of self-control he possessed but he’d faced tougher challenges. If he constantly reminded himself of the reason she was here, he should be all right.

“Something smells good.”

At the sound of her voice, Jack glanced behind him, and something inside him shifted at the sight of her. She’d changed. Had a shower, by the look of her wet hair and make-up-free face. She was wearing a blue tracksuit made of some kind of soft-looking velvety fabric that would have made him want to reach out and stroke her if he hadn’t shored up his defences to protect them both against that sort of thing.

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