“I don’t blame you. I screwed up badly. I’d like to put that right, so first of all I need to tell you about that night five years ago when you came to tell me about Zel.”
“The night you deliberately seduced me?”
“Yes. But I didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?”
“Deliberately seduce you. I might have kissed you initially to shut you up but the moment I did I was lost.”
Mercy felt her heart skip a beat. “Lost?”
“Yes. Lost. As in unable to find my way out. Although I doubt I would have taken it even if I had been able to find it. You cast a spell on me that night, Mercy. I wanted you. Desperately. I was mad with desire. For you. And that was all there was to it. No manipulation, no distraction strategy, just need.”
She scoured his face, his eyes, but found nothing but sincerity and some of the ice inside her melted. “So why pretend what you did was deliberate?”
“That was what you assumed and it was easier to let you believe it.”
“Why?”
“You made me lose control, Mercy,” he said gruffly. “And I have a thing about control. I don’t like not having it. A hang-up from the accident, I imagine. You made me feel vulnerable, on unstable ground. It wasn’t a comfortable place to be.”
Oh, and there went her pathetic, fragile heart, aching for him because now his attitude towards her, then and recently all made sense.
“You left me alone.”
“Yes. I’m sorry for that. It was a cowardly thing to do.”
“You didn’t like it when I made you lose control again the other morning, did you?”
He sighed. “Not a lot. It scared me. Terrified me, actually. You have such a hold over me, Mercy. I think you always have. I tried to battle it but I can’t, and I really don’t mind anymore.”
“Why not?”
He took a breath. Looked her straight in the eyes. “Because I love you.”
For a moment Mercy felt winded. “You love me?” she echoed, not sure she was able to believe it.
Seb nodded. “Yes. Very much. How could I not? You’re incredible. You once said you were nothing, but you’re everything. You’re a vintage champagne, sparkling, delicious, intoxicating, making everyone feel happy. You’re brave, loyal and you don’t back down from anything, which is something I admire about you more than you’ll ever know. You know the best of me and the worst of me. I think I’ve been half in love with you for years. Now I’m completely in love with you, although I refused to acknowledge it until Zel gave me no option. I hated not being with you on Thanksgiving.”
“So did I.”
“I missed you that weekend you went out with your classmates. Not the sex. Well, not just the sex,” he said with a rueful smile. “Mainly I missed you.”
“Oh, me too.”
“And I was so jealous of that Raf guy.”
“There’s really no need.”
“I even bought you some grape scissors.”
“Grape scissors?” she said, feeling dizzy.
“A gift. I haven’t bought a gift in years. But when I saw them they made me think of you. They’re lovely. So are you.”
“Can I see them?”
“I couldn’t bring them with me. I only came with hand luggage. Didn’t want them confiscated. They’re in New York, waiting for you to be there so I can give them to you. I love you beyond measure, Mercy, and that bloody terrifies me too, because even assuming that’s OK with you, which I frankly doubt because why would you want to give me a chance when I’ve been such an idiot, what if I screw up? I mean, I did with that phone call, didn’t I?”