Page 48 of Taming the Beast (Fairy Tales of New York)

Seb felt his jaw clench. “I’m talking hypothetically.”

“Bullshit.”

He shrugged and got up. “Whatever,” he said and strode over to open the sliding doors for much needed fresh air.

“Don’t you run away from me, Sebastian Madison,” said his sister. “You won’t get away with that. Not anymore.”

“Where do you see me going?”

“Emotionally you’re all over the place.”

“I’m fine,” said Seb, digging his hands in the pockets of his pants and gritting his teeth as a blast of cold air hit him. “And I don’t do emotion.”

“You’re a mess. And you don’t do emotion? Really?”

His jaw set. “You don’t have a clue, Zel.”

“I have more of a clue than you think, Seb. How many conversations have we had over the last couple of months? Tens? Hundreds? You wonder what would happen if you screwed up again, don’t you? You worry that Mercy, like me, won’t be able to handle it, and maybe, unlike me, she won’t recover. You don’t want to risk it. You don’t want it on your conscience. But the thing is, you wouldn’t screw up. I know you wouldn’t. Things are different now. You’ve changed. And Mercy is stronger than you think. She wouldn’t let you screw up. Neither would I. So let go of the guilt, Seb. Just let it go.”

If only he could. “Easy for you to say, Zel.”

“Not easy for me to say, actually. It’s been bloody hard for me to work through my hang-ups – and God knows I’ve had a few – but if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that the effort is worth it, it really is.”

“Ty?”

Zel nodded. “Among other things. And you could have Mercy. You could have peace. You could have a life.”

He wanted that, he thought, his head suddenly spinning with the strength of the realization. God, he wanted that. But could he? Could he really? Was he willing to try it? And put Mercy at ri

sk?

“Do you want to be on your own forever?” he heard his sister say and it hit him like a blow to the head that he didn’t. He really didn’t. He was so lonely, so damn tired of being on his own. He’d always told himself that he was fine with it, that it was what he deserved, but he wasn’t fine with it and maybe it wasn’t what he deserved.

As the foundations of his long-held convictions began to shake, thoughts he’d never allowed himself to entertain cascaded into his head.

Maybe it was time he started listening to the people who’d always insisted that the accident had been just that, an accident. Maybe he ought to take a leaf out of Zel’s book and move on. She’d come such a long way, and where was he? Still hovering around the starting line. And what was he going to do? Stay there for ever? That didn’t sound much like progress. That sounded faintly like self-indulgence, especially when Zel had told him many times that she understood his behavior towards her and had forgiven him. It sounded even more faintly like cowardice.

So wasn’t it about time he forgave himself, manned up and started living the life his parents would have wanted him to live?

“No,” he said, his voice thick and his throat tight. “I don’t want to be on my own forever.”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“Find Mercy.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m nuts about her,” he said, the remaining walls surrounding his heart crumbling and revealing the truth he must have known for weeks.

“Of course you are,” said Zel but Seb hardly heard, he was so busy reeling with the realization he was head over heels in love with Mercy.

He adored everything about her, he thought, his stomach in free-fall as every bewildering thing about their relationship suddenly slipped into place. And the emotions, God, the emotions – the hurt, the disappointment and the despair she’d made him feel – suddenly all made sense.

Why would he have felt any of that if he hadn’t cared? Why would her opinion of him have mattered? Why had he wanted her approval and for her to look at him with the pride and admiration he’d dismissed mere weeks ago? And that hold she had over him? If it bound her to him, then he wanted it.

He hadn’t recognized any of it for what it was because he’d let his guilt and his fear bury it but now enough was enough. To hell with the past. He wanted the future. With Mercy. And he was going to get it. Assuming he hadn’t completely buggered things up.

As his heart began to thump with anticipation, longing, and no small amount of terror that he might have ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him, he whipped round on surprisingly shaky legs.

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