Page 41 of Taming the Beast (Fairy Tales of New York)

Yes, well, not really proof against anything as it turned out. “As long as my responses were either ‘nothings or ‘mildly disappointeds I figured I’d be fine.”

“And were they?”

“Yes. To begin with at least. As and Bs every time. More As, in fact.”

“But then?”

Mercy sighed, deep and long. “They changed. And now they’re all Cs.” ‘Devastateds.

“Oh,” said Faith after a moment’s silence.

“Quite,” said Mercy, dolefully staring down into her drink.

When it had happened she couldn’t really say. All she knew was that as the weeks passed and she got to know the real man rather than the schoolgirl fantasy her feelings towards him had changed. She’d realized what was happening, but she certainly hadn’t taken heed. She hadn’t really attached all that much importance to it. Certainly not enough to do anything proper about it.

But on Sunday night, as she’d sat in her apartment thinking about what had happened in his garage, she hadn’t been able to deny it any longer. This wasn’t just sex anymore. She didn’t know exactly what it was. But she did know that her heart had turned over to see him in such distress. She did know that every muscle she had had burned with the desire to make him feel better. She did know that she cared about him. A lot.

“Is this bad?” asked Faith, yanking her out of her thoughts.

“It’s very bad,” said Mercy. “I think about him all the time. I can’t stop thinking about him. And I want things.”

“What sort of things?” asked Dawn.

“Things I very definitely shouldn’t. I want to know what he’s thinking. I want to talk to him forever. I want to spend Christmas with him. I want everything.” She stopped, shook her head and frowned. “I just can’t understand it. I mean, what changed? What happened?”

“Do you really not know?” asked Dawn, looking at her with a shrewdness that for some reason made her heart beat faster.

“I really don’t know.”

“For someone supposedly good at reading people you’re not very good at reading yourself, are you? You’re in love with him.”

As Dawn’s words hit her brain Mercy froze. No. She wasn’t in love with him. She couldn’t be. It wasn’t part of the deal.

But.

It would explain a lot.

Such as the pride and admiration she’d felt when she’d heard that he’d reconciled with Zel. Such as the tugging of her heartstrings when she’d caught glimpses of the vulnerability he tried so hard to hide. The deep wrenching ache she felt whenever she thought about what he’d been through. The jealousy that had shot though her when they’d been talking about his past lovers. She’d actually wanted to tear the eyes out of women she didn’t even know, especially the one who’d taught him how to say that phrase in Spanish. The way she’d worried about him spending Thanksgiving alone, wishing they could have spent it together.

Those, she thought now, panic beginning to flutter through her, hadn’t been the responses of an indifferent woman. They’d been the responses of a woman who cared very much about him, who just wanted him to be OK, who loved him.

Oh shit, she thought, her head pounding and her heart racing. Oh God, oh God, oh God. She was in love with him. How could she not be? The man had his own rose garden that was a sort of tribute to his mother, for heaven’s sake. He was strong and brave and difficult, and now she doubted she’d ever not been in love with him.

“I think you’re right, Dawn,” said Mercy, her voice sounding distant and woolly as her world imploded. ?

??I think I am in love with him.”

“Of course you are,” said Dawn.

“I think I’m nuts about him. I think I probably always have been. Only now it’s not a crush. It’s the real thing, and, oh God, it’s a mess.”

“A mess?” said Faith frowning in bewilderment.

Mercy sank her head in her hands. “I’m doomed, I tell you, doomed.”

“And possibly being just the teensiest bit melodramatic?” said Dawn.

“It’s a New Word of the Day,” said Mercy, everything in her sinking to the floor. “But it fits. Because this is never going to end happily. I think I want everything with him – love, children, a future – and he wants just sex.”

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