Page 53 of One More Sleepless Night

But telling herself to wipe the folder and actually doing it were poles apart, and every time she sat down to click on the ‘delete’ button she invariably found herself clicking on the ‘play slide show’ button instead.

Which was precisely what had happened a couple of minutes ago. She’d slid into her chair and opened up the folder, telling herself that she really would do it this time, yet here she was sitting at her desk, staring with longing at the monitor and trying for the billionth time not to think about what might have been if only she’d kept her big mouth shut.

The pictures slowly flipped across the screen and as they did Nicky felt her throat begin to ache all over again. Photo after photo of the grapes, of the vineyards and the people who worked in them, of the arid countryside, and more of Rafael than she’d ever imagined she’d taken flashed before her eyes.

She sighed and her heart squeezed as his gorgeous face filled the screen yet again. In this particular head-shot, he was looking straight at the camera, smiling at her, his eyes a lovely clear green in the bright sunlight, and as she surreptitiously hit ‘pause’ her mind instantly flew back to the moment she’d taken it. He’d been talking to one of the workers and as if he’d felt her eyes on him had suddenly looked up. Within moments he’d been striding over to her and taking her by the hand and dragging her into the house from where they hadn’t emerged till dark.

A wave of melancholy washed over her and Nicky closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Swallowing hard, she opened her eyes and set her jaw. She had to get a grip. She really did. She couldn’t carry on wafting around like this. Foolishly indulging herself and romanticising everything that had gone on.

She had to do it now. Right now.

Naturally the pain would be sharp but it would be short and final and at last she’d be able to move on.

Taking a deep breath and bracing herself, she slid the mouse across her desk so that the cursor was hovering over the ‘delete’ button and her finger was hovering over the mouse. She dithered. She frowned. She bit her lip. Then she was lifting her chin, clenching her jaw just that little bit more and lowering her forefinger, about to press it and delete the lingering traces of Rafael from her life when the sound of her buzzer ricocheted through her flat and jolted her out of the bubble she’d been in.

No. She wasn’t ready, she told herself, her heart thumping as she whipped the mouse up to close the folder instead of deleting it. She really wasn’t. Maybe tomorrow…

Shaking her head in despair at her own pathetically weak resolve but reassuring herself that at some point this futile obsession with Rafael had to fade, she jumped up, headed to the kitchen and picked up the handset. ‘Hello?’

‘Hi,’ came the voice from the other end of the intercom and she nearly dropped the handset because she knew of only one voice that deep, that sexy, and only one voice that spread through her like treacle and had the ability to make her shiver with nothing more than a simple ‘hi’.

‘Rafael?’ she said, feeling her legs about to give way and sagging against the wall for support.

Maybe she’d been staring at those photos for too long. Maybe her poor battered imagination had finally succumbed to lunacy and had conjured him up out of nowhere, because what would he be doing at the other end of her intercom?

‘May I come up?’

‘No,’ she said, her mind reeling and her voice breathy with shock.

‘Please.’

‘Gaby’s still away,’ she added as it dimly occurred to her that he might well be here to see his sister, not her, and it wouldn’t do to get the wrong end of the stick again.

‘I know. I haven’t come to see her. I’ve come to see you.’

Oh.

Her heart stopped and then suddenly started galloping as it finally sank in that he was no figment of her imagination. That he really was here, standing on her doorstep and wanting to see her. ‘Why?’

‘Buzz me up and I’ll tell you.’

Nicky closed her eyes and dropped her head back against the wall. Agh, what should she do?

Her head, which was remembering the way he’d been so cold, dismissive and cruel, was telling her to tell him to get lost, but her heart… Well, that was remembering the joy and happiness she’d felt when she’d realised she was in love with him and the pain and agony she’d felt at the knowledge she was never going to lay eyes on him again. And frankly there was no contest because deep down she’d been heartbroken and miserable and she was so very desperate to see him again.

But that didn’t mean she was prepared to forgive him the minute he set foot inside her building, did it?

Nicky took a deep breath to calm her nerves and told herself to get a grip. ‘Fine,’ she said, managing to drum up a pleasing degree of diffidence. ‘You can have five minutes.’

‘Five minutes is all I need.’

She buzzed him in and then he was gone and she was hurrying to check her appearance in the hall mirror while constantly reminding herself to stay cool and detached. But it was so hard to stay cool and detached when her head was swirling with questions like: why had he come? What did he want? And what could possibly need only five minutes?

She opened the door and gripped the handle in a bid to stop her hand shaking. She pulled her shoulders back and lifted her chin and slowly inhaled and exhaled to try and stay calm but it didn’t work terribly well because Rafael hove into view, looking dishevelled, pale and not a little wild-eyed, and as her heart turned over at the sight of him and she nearly collapsed with longing she realised that everything she’d convinced herself over the last week, all that stuff about doing fine on her own and not wanting him, was rubbish because she wasn’t doing fine and she did want him and she hadn’t got over him nearly as much as she’d thought.

*

Throughout the flight to Paris, Rafael had gone over and over what he wanted to say to Nicky and how

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