Page 40 of One More Sleepless Night

The image of the Nicky he’d first met flashed though Rafael’s head. She’d been pale and gaunt. Exhausted and troubled. Tense, prickly and on edge. And enveloped by that disturbing air of desolate defeat.

All classic signs of burnout, he realised, and all of which he’d seen before. Hell, he’d even got work because of it but it had never occurred to him that that was what Nicky had been suffering from. But then he’d been so caught up in wanting her and wondering why she didn’t want him that little else had occurred to him.

‘What caused it?’ he said, and forced himself to focus on her instead of barrelling off down the road of self-recrimination yet again.

She tilted her head and regarded him for a moment, as if internally debating whether or not to tell him. Then she straightened as if bracing herself, and for some reason his chest tightened. ‘Remember how I told you I was a photojournalist?’

He nodded and took a deep breath to ease the pressure. ‘I looked you up on the Internet. Your work is incredible.’ Although actually incredible didn’t begin to describe it. The pictures she took were powerful, provocative, beautiful and thought-provoking. He’d read that she’d won awards and as he’d scrolled through the gallery on her website he’d been able to see why.

She beamed. ‘Thank you.’ Then she sobered. ‘Well, anyway, a year or so ago I was on assignment in the Middle East, covering a demonstration about rights for women. It was all going fine. Very peaceful and I got some excellent shots. But then some men turned up—family members of a few of the women, I found out later—and took exception. Especially to me and my camera.’

He thought he heard her voice shake a little and the pressure in his chest returned. ‘What happened then?’

Nicky sighed. ‘To be honest I don’t remember all that much about it. One minute I was taking pictures, the next I was surrounded and being jostled and pushed to the ground. But I guess eventually my instinct for survival kicked in because somehow I managed to escape and make my way back to my hotel.’

Rafael felt his jaw clench. Why on earth had she put herself in such danger? Surely no photograph was worth risking one’s life for?

‘Of course I’d had training in how to deal with things like that,’ she continued, ‘but it was the first time it had happened to me and, in all the panic, I kind of forgot everything I’d been taught.’

‘Were you badly hurt?’

‘D

epends what you mean by badly. I only had a couple of broken ribs so I guess I got off pretty lightly really. My camera, however, suffered infinitely more. It was smashed to bits. Luckily, though, I’d managed to take out the memory card before they got hold of it.’

‘It must have been terrifying.’

Nicky shrugged. ‘It’s not an experience I’m particularly keen to repeat, I admit. And I’m not a huge fan of crowds.’

‘I’m not surprised. So is that what your nightmares are about?’

This time she didn’t bother pretending she didn’t know what he was talking about. ‘Pretty much.’ She added, ‘Sometimes the details vary but only slightly. Lately though they’ve been getting fuzzier and I have them far less often than I used to so that’s good. Anyway it all happened ages ago, and I’m fine about it. Really.’

Hmm. Was she? ‘So where does the burnout come in?’

Nicky blinked and gave him a rueful smile. ‘Oh, well, I was so determined to prove that what had happened hadn’t affected me that I went a bit overboard on the work front.’

‘Overboard?’

‘Put it this way. I didn’t so much get back on the horse as saddle it up and take it round the Grand National a couple of times. I started working every waking hour I had and barely stopped for breath.’

Rafael frowned. ‘Was that sustainable?’

‘No. I was hurtling from time zone to time zone so much that I had no idea whether it was morning or night. It played havoc on my sleep and eventually I just wore out. Even taking my camera out of its case ended up becoming a major task and that scared me witless because if I can’t take photos I don’t know what else there is.’ She ran a hand through her hair. ‘I think I just kind of gave up. It was so tiring treading water, I simply stopped. And once I’d done that then I really began to sink.’

‘That doesn’t sound good,’ he muttered, knowing it was an understatement but too mystified by all the stuff beginning to churn around inside him to respond with anything more sensible.

‘No, well, it wasn’t,’ she said dryly, ‘but it’s why I ended up at your house. It’s why when we met I was in a bit of a state. And it’s why when you kissed me I couldn’t respond, even though I desperately wanted to. When I told you that my lack of response to you wasn’t you but me, I meant it. Along with everything else I’d lost all interest in sex. It was like I was dead inside.’

‘But not any more.’

She grinned. ‘Not any more. And I’ve been taking pictures again. Of your vineyard. Do you mind?’

Did he mind? God, it was the least he could offer after all she’d been through. After all he’d put her through, and not just this afternoon. ‘Of course not.’

Her smile deepened and his stomach twisted. ‘Great. Well, anyway, it turns out your sister is quite the psychiatrist because she was the one who decided a rest and a time-out to regroup was the answer and she was right. That cortijo of yours was exactly what I needed.’

No, what Nicky needed was looking after, Rafael decided darkly, because God, he’d thought he’d had a tough time of it lately, but, compared with what she’d been through, a merger, a handful of demanding relatives and a persistent ex were nothing. And she might act as if she was over what had happened but was she? Really?

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