Page 24 of Dinosaurs, Disasters & Albert Einswine

“We’ve got to find the guys, Albert! I think I’ve really messed things up with them.” Albert only huffed in response. Kissing the top of his head, I set him down on the floor and rushed to find my shoes.

Snapping a leash on Albert’s harness, I rushed from the apartment and onto the streets.

“Now, where do I start looking?” I mumbled, glancing down the street. It was still early enough in the morning that not many cars were out.

Albert yanked hard on his leash, and before I could grab it, he bolted down the sidewalk.

“Albert! Stop!” I screamed, terrified that at any moment he was going to dart into the road and become flattened ham, or that he would fall down in a storm grate and meet a friendly clown.

The stubborn little ham ignored me and picked up the pace, his adorable butt jiggling as he rounded a corner too fast. I caught up, but he managed to stay just out of my reach. He ran like a pack of bacon addicts were chasing him, and he was the last pig on earth.

I’d begun losing ground, barely keeping him in my sight. My lungs were burning, and my side felt as though a knife was sawing away at my rib. Just as quickly as Albert had taken off, he screeched to a halt. Sitting down, he watched my limping approach with a look that said, ‘what took you so long?’

“Don’t. Ever. Do that. Again.” I wheezed each word, leaning against a stop sign to catch my breath.

I could have sworn Albert rolled his eyes, but decided it was my lack of oxygen that had me hallucinating.

As my pounding heart and gasping lungs quieted, the sounds of excited laughter and honking horns became clearer. Was there a parade? Using the hem of my shirt to wipe my brow, I finally took in our surroundings. My mouth fell open, and my soul left my body.

I lived on a relatively quiet side street in the city, but it was still only two blocks from the main street that traveled through the busiest sections of our fine city. While my city wasn’t the size of, let’s say, New York City, it wasn’t exactly a small country town either. Which meant that two dinosaurs stomping angrily in the middle of the street were going to get some attention.

A lot of attention.

For the love of peanut butter, how was I going to explain them away to the crowd of delighted onlookers? I didn’t have a magic wand to make them all forget, and since I could see several cell phones aimed at the duo, the people had proof.

Zon roared, spinning anxiously as the crowd pressed forward. There was no time left to think; it was time to act. ACT! That was it! Sometimes I was almost a genius.

Grabbing Albert, I barreled through the crowd like a running back with a pigskin and a mission. I tumbled out of the crowd and ran headlong into Rez’s thigh. Rez jerked away with a roar, no doubt believing the crowd was invading his personal space.

Rez, it’s me! Arizona!I wanted to scream the words out loud, but I didn’t want to give the crowd any more information.

My mind remained horribly silent, and my gut twisted painfully. But then Rez caught sight of me. He released a rumbling chirp and dropped his massive head down. Reaching out a trembling hand, I rested my palm against his scales. Stepping forward, I pressed a kiss against his head and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Rez gave a soft trill that vibrated the ground under me. His massive size meant that even when being gentle, he was powerful.

Hearing Rez, Zon’s head snapped in my direction. Tilting his head to the side, Zon studied us, probably trying to decipher where we stood. Rez gave a chirp, and Zon’s tail wagged happily. The entire crowd melted at the doglike mannerism, which reminded me we had a crowd surrounding us.

Turning toward the audience, I gave a little bow. I raised my voice so that I could be heard over the chattering throng. “We hope you enjoyed our performance! Filming is still happening, but you will get to see more of these fabulous animatronics in the movie, which is coming to a theater near you! Thank you so much everyone for being a part of our demo today! I better get these guys back to the prop department before someone thinks I’ve stolen them away!” I winked, and the crowd laughed at my lame attempt at humor.

“If everyone could move to the sidewalk so I can get these guys moving, I would greatly appreciate it!” I motioned for people to split and move to either side of the street, breathing a sigh of relief as they slowly followed my request.

There were more than a few complaints, requests to touch the dinosaurs, and more than a few questions regarding how the animatronics worked. I mumbled answers to some and pretended not to hear others. As soon as there was a path large enough to accommodate Rez’s tyrannosaurus body, I waved for them to move ahead of me and down the street.

It went well for about twenty feet, and then Albert decided to make an appearance. With a happy oink, he raced as fast as his chubby little legs could move to catch up with Rez.

Rez glanced back, caught sight of Albert, and bellowed in terror. The hair on my arms stood on end, and everyone on the sidewalk covered their ears. The sound coming from the tyrannosaurus was one that no creature left on earth made. It was bone-chilling. Zonkut responded with a loud roar of his own before both dinosaurs ran for their freaking lives.

Each time Rez’s massive foot pounded into the ground, the window panes rattled in every building that lined the street. People nearest Rez lost their balance, toppling to the ground. Parked cars bounced, and cracks spread like lightning strikes across the pavement.

Albert was completely unfazed by the pandemonium he had caused. With each step Rez made, Albert bounced several inches into the air, but as soon as his toes hit the ground, the chase was back on. If I didn’t know better, I would think he was having the time of his life.

“No need to worry! This was just part of the show! The pig is a paid actor!” I tried to reassure the crowd as I backed away. Turning on my heel, I took off, chasing after the traumatized T-Rex, the rampaging raptor, and the sadistic sausage.

When had this become my life? Of all the things I’d hoped to experience in my life, this one hadn’t made the bucket list.

Albert Einswine herded the panicking dinosaurs back toward my apartment with a skill I hadn’t known he possessed. By the time I’d caught up, he’d chased them into the windowless alley beside my apartment building. Scooping the ham up before he could follow them and possibly get trampled, I patted his head. “That’ll do, pig.”

Making my way into the dim alley, I eyed both dinos carefully. Their sides heaved, and they stomped nervously. I didn’t think they would purposely injure me, but that was just an assumption on my part because I had no freaking idea if they were more man or beast at the moment.

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