Page 66 of A Mutually Beneficial Proposal

Ella

The next morning,I finally turn my phone back on. I cringe at the plethora of messages from Piper and Kenzie, then do my best to ignore everything from Owen. Though, I can’t manage to stop myself from reading his most recent message showing in the preview.

Owen: Please just let me know you’re okay and I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.

Given I can barely tolerate reading that message, I know I won’t survive seeing the others. I move on to let Kenzie and Piper know that I’m going for a hike and won’t have my phone on, but it will be charged in case I run into trouble.

Piper: Be safe and remember we love you.

Kenzie: Say hi to Yogi bear for me!

I smile at their replies and turn my phone off again. I already know where I’m going, so I won’t need the GPS. My backpack is loaded with water and food to last me a full day, though I haven’t decided if I’ll stay overnight like I originally wanted. It’s still a little too cold at night for sleeping under the stars.

After double-checking that I have everything I might need, I head for my car. Getting in the driver’s seat feels weird, because I haven’t driven since before my vacation.

When the engine turns over on the first try, I let out a sigh of relief that the battery hadn’t died while sitting idle. I press the garage door opener and then shift into reverse.

As I back out of the driveway, I spot a familiar truck coming down the street, one I have no desire to see.

Gavin is slowing down and waving at me, but I pretend not to see him and hit the gas. My car jerks into the street, facing the opposite way I need to go, but also away from Gavin.

I press the garage door button again, praying it closes. I don’t have time to stick around and make sure. Gavin is getting closer, and I don’t want to talk to him. Yes, I’m running from my problems—again—but I just want this weekend to myself. I don’t think that’s too much to ask before I’m forced to go back to work and deal with real life on Monday.

My speed is much too high for the residential area, but with a few quick turns, I’m hopeful I lost Gavin and slow down. I send up a silent thanks that he hadn’t arrived just a minute sooner.

Instinctively, I reach for my phone to call Kenzie or Piper, but then I remember I turned everything off for a reason. I need to look within myself and figure out who I am and what I want without outside influence.

Maybe that’s the wrong choice, but my heart says it’s what I need, and I’m doing my best to listen.

A few more glances in my rearview mirror and I’m relieved not to see Gavin’s truck behind me or on the main road when I get out of the residential area. I continue to head east and away from the congestion of the city life.

With any luck, by the end of the day, I’ll have gotten in a good workout, let go of a lot of tears, and enjoyed all the things nature has to offer.

* * *

I’m cryingfrom laughing so hard by the time I get back to my car at the base of the trail, my arms, face, and clothes are covered in dirt. My jeans have holes in them that didn’t come from the designer, and I’m probably bruised to shit, but none of that is bothering me.

It’s dark and windy and I’m pretty sure it’s going to rain any minute, even though the weather I checked this morning said clear skies for the whole weekend. I’m not even sure what time it is, and even though I’ve been gone all day, a part of me isn’t ready to leave.

I took the trails less traveled today. I got lost more times than I care to count. I crossed paths with other hikers who probably think I escaped from a hospital. Most of them had to have heard me crying and screaming and laughing at some point. When my emotions weren’t on a roller coaster, I stopped and napped under a tree just because I could, but then regretted that decision a short time later when I woke up covered in ants.

The ants wouldn’t have been so bad except I might have freaked out more than necessary when I realized what was crawling on me and flailed around a little too much, which resulted in me tumbling down a hill.

I wish I could say that was where most of the dirt covering me came from, but that would be a lie. After the ant incident, I continued my hike instead of giving up and made it to the top of the hill where I spotted the most beautiful field of poppies growing.

Me being the new me and wanting to enjoy all the things, I ventured into the acre of colorful growth only to accidentally disrupt some sort of wasp or hornet hangout. I was only stung twice, but that was because I ran really fucking fast away from that field and took one last roll.

That time, it was down the trail that’s incline should have killed me, but somehow, the worst injury I have is my pride. Though, as I lean against my car, safe and sound, none of it was all that bad.

Not as bad as Saint Lucia, I allow myself to think, not for the first time today. Though, my stomach twists at the lie. The trip wasn’t awful. Did it end horribly? Yes. But for those few days when I was with Owen, I was the me I wish I’d always been. I didn’t hide a single part of me other than my real feelings. Owen didn’t make me feel bad about my choices. He didn’t judge my lack of makeup or fancy clothes.

He accepted me when I felt at my worst, and even though I avoided any type of serious conversations with him—because that was what I believed I needed—I thought he was beginning to care about me for more than the crazy, passionate sex we were having.

But if that were true, he never would have been with that woman. He never would have let her touch him like she was or smile down at her like he wanted to eat her for dessert. I never would have had to run away in my pathetic attempt to keep from admitting that I’d let Owen in and he’d disappointed me just like everyone else.

I tilt my head against the car roof, staring up at the twinkling lights above me, and do my best to clear my mind. I don’t get to see the stars as openly from home, thanks to all the city lights, but out here, life is freeing. Maybe I could buy an isolated cabin and forget about all my problems that way.

I laugh to myself. Right. A cabin in the woods would be great until I got so bored that I started bringing wild animals into my house and talking to them like people.

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