Page 46 of Before We Ever Spoke

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It was just after three in the morning as Cooper Madison made his way back towards the Westcott Hotel, yet Charlie Knox was still wide awake as usual less than 15 miles away at his home in Brook Park.

A full uninterrupted night of sleep was no longer an option since the accident thanks to the combination of pain and the drugs that were supposed to make the former go away.

Charlie used a morphine pump every night to help him fall asleep, but as strong as the narcotic pain reliever was it only lasted about 4 to 6 hours. This meant that Charlie would get about 5 hours of drug-induced sleep each night only to wake up no later than 3 AM feeling as if he should be ready to go for the day.

A common misconception is that paraplegics would not feel any pain below the waist. In reality, paralysis is caused by damage to the body’s upper motor neurons that control the muscles that are no longer in use.

This pain, along with a lack of daily exercise required to fall into a deep sleep cycle tends to keep him up from the hours of 3 to 6 most nights, his only relief coming when he can activate his pain pump again and repeat the process.

Joanne Knox had tried to get her husband to understand that if he became more active he would sleep better. Last year, she had hired a personal trainer her son Johnny recommended to give Charlie extra exercise on top of his regular physical therapy sessions, only to watch Charlie refuse to participate. After three sessions of paying for modified exercise services that weren’t even being attempted, she canceled.

Charlie’s paralysis affected more than just his legs. His condition meant that Joanne’s role at home changed from spouse to caregiver, and any resemblance of a romantic relationship seemed to have been left in that emergency room at the hospital. They had not slept in the same room since the accident, let alone the same bed, as Charlie needed to sleep in a hospital bed each night.

Eighteen months after the accident Joanne decided to surprise Charlie in his bedroom for their anniversary. Wearing lingerie that she had purchased from Victoria’s Secret, she climbed into his bed and straddled him. For a moment all the pain disappeared as they kissed with a passion that had been absent for far too long.

Joanne, knowing that Charlie’s condition would not let them consummate their anniversary in the traditional sense, seductively whispered in his ear what she wanted him to do to her instead.

This set Charlie off and the next thing Joanne knew was that she had been thrown off the bed and onto the hardwood floor.

“I GET IT… I’M HALF A MAN, GODDAMNIT!!” Charlie screamed. “ARE YOU HAPPY??”

“That wasn’t what I meant, Charlie!” Joanne shrieked back through tears. “How do you think I FEEL? Do you think that you were the only victim of the accident Charlie? You won’t even look at me anymore…”

“Get...the...hell...out…” Charlie said, his voice low yet emphatic.

Joanne, now standing, shook her head and slowly walked out of the room.

I will never try again. Ever…

The day after the rebuffed attempt at romance, Joanne hired a full-time nurse to sit with Charlie as she left for Las Vegas for three days. Alone. She had to get away, and she didn’t even tell her children where she was, just that she needed a break.

For those three days, Joanne Knox did her best to check off Vegas from her bucket list. She barely gambled aside from a few penny slots, but she took in the sights, slept in each day, got drunk, danced at a club, and saw some amazing shows.

She even was hit on a few times by younger men, as Joanne had always appeared to be much younger than she was. She didn’t accept any of their offers but relished in the fact that she was still desirable.

As so often is the case, Charlie reverted back to having an almost childlike affect towards his wife upon her return. He began to view her more and more as a nagging maternal figure and less as his wife. He would fight her every step of the way when it came to menial tasks like brushing his teeth, getting dressed, and even talking to his children on the phone.

As hard as it was for Joanne to see her husband retreat from their relationship, it was even harder on his children. Charlie had always been a source of strength and stability for his family. He worked hard to provide for them and was an affectionate and loving father.

While Joanne was more prone to mood swings as a parent, Charlie was steadfast - never too high, never too low. He rarely ever yelled at his kids, but when he did the world stopped.

Charlie’s relationship with Cara was affected the most. Not to say that Jason, Christopher, and Johnny’s relationships with their father weren’t affected, but Charlie had always had a special bond with his “Tomboy Princess”. He was her protector and wanted to remain in that role until the day he died. In Charlie’s mind, the accident stripped him of that.

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