Page 7 of Found: Denver Alpha

No wonder Jade doesn’t want anything to do with me. My skin is paler than normal and I can see bones I hadn’t been able to before. It’s clear I’ve lost weight, and something else isn’t right. I’m worthless as an Alpha right now, because as much as I care about the pack I just want to curl up and die.

“FUCK!” I shout pulling my fist back and slamming it into the mirror over the sink just so I don’t have to look at what a pathetic creature I am.

Glass shatters all around me, my hand stings from the shards embedded in my skin but none of that takes away this ache inside of me. My legs give out and I fall to the ground just as Bell pushes into the bathroom.

“Silas!” he shouts, looking all around to see if there’s a threat before he focuses back on me. “Don’t move,” he orders before leaving the room once more but he really doesn’t have to worry about that.

Looking down at my hand as blood runs in rivers from it I feel nothing. I’m numb. The pain from before is gone and nothing exists right now except watching the design my blood makes on the white bathroom floor tiles.

“What were you thinking?” Bell asks, returning with shoes on and crunching the glass as he walks across the floor to where I’m still sitting. I don’t bother to answer him though, because the truth is I wasn’t thinking. The only thing I could think of was how much everything hurt and what a piece of shit I am that my mate doesn’t want me.

“Come on man, let's get you in the shower,” he comments gently, picking me up as if I’m not just as big as he is. Turning he sets me on the bench in the shower and reaches in to turn the water on all while looking at me like I might lose it again. He steps back but leaves the curtain open so he can watch me while he cleans up my mess.

“I’m sorry,” I say under my breath but of course he hears me.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you Si,” he says as I sit there listening to the echoing sounds of him sweeping up the glass and tossing it into the small trash can.

The hot water splashes off the tile and mists my feet making me realize that I’m actually cold. Getting up from the bench I move directly under the spray, chills running through me as the hot water and my cold skin clash. My hand stings but I ignore it as I sit down with my back against the wall and just soak in the warmth.

“I got the floor as good as I can for now, we’ll have to clean up the rest later—” he starts but as soon as he spots me sitting on the tile he stops and sighs.

“Silas, I love you man but this isn’t going to help get her back,” he tells me, stepping into the shower shoes and all and pulling me up by my arms.

“I just need more sleep,” I tell him as he shuts off the shower and helps me back into the bedroom. He snagged a towel on the way out so before he sits me on the bed he quickly dries me off, careful to avoid my hand which is still full of glass.

“Sit there and don’t move. I'll get the first aid kit so we can get the glass out before it heals and we have to cut it out,” he tells me, once again his tone is commanding and would normally bother my wolf but right now neither of us care.

Looking down at my busted hand while I wait for Bell, I watch as the blood slowly stops flowing. If I let it, in only a few hours the skin would heal right over the broken glass and it would become part of me. My body would eventually reject the foriegn material and cause me a lot of pain until we cut it out but I just can’t seem to care. Physical pain would be welcome compared to the emotional pain I feel inside and can’t do anything about.

“I can’t believe you did that, what were you thinking?” Bellamy asks when he comes back to kneel in front of me with the kit.

“I don’t know,” I mumble under my breath but of course with our damn shifter hearing he knows exactly what I said.

“Bullshit,” he spits, taking tweezers and pulling a piece of glass from my skin. It stings but I don’t flinch away from him.

“Fuck Bell, I don’t know! I just needed to break something, the mirror seemed the safest bet,” I tell him, the lame excuse falling from my lips easily enough.

“I don’t believe that, but I’m going to let it go for now because I know you’re going through some shit,” he says, pouring a cleansing liquid on my skin before wiping it off and wrapping a bit of gauze around my hand. It’s not really necessary with the healing speed but after he poked and prodded me it was bleeding once again.

It’s not like the truth of how worthless and low I was feeling in that moment is going to make either of us feel better. Letting him think that I was merely angry in that moment is better than showing my weakness even to my best friend.

“Hey I felt bad for how I left things earlier so I brought you guys some food and Scarlett wanted to come say hel—” Jace says, coming in the room with a tray of food and a tiny red-haired girl.

Moving quickly I get back into bed and lean up against the headboard covering myself with a sheet. Bell is wearing a pair of my shorts that he must have put on when he was getting the first aid kit.

“Good morning Scar,” I say as she runs over and jumps into my arms. Holding her small body against me for a second I know if even for a moment, I did something right lately.

“What happened?” Jace asks looking at my hand but I just ignore him and concentrate on Scarlett. The poor thing has been through more than enough, she doesn’t need to worry about my problems at the moment.

“I hope that you slept well,” I tell her as she sits back and looks at me thoughtfully before nodding. “Good. Do you like Sam?” I ask, feeling bad that I don’t know hardly any signs so I have to ask yes or no questions. I’m relieved when she smiles brightly and nods her head vigorously. “I’m glad to hear that. Do you think that you will be okay here for a while?” With a firm nod she leans in and kisses my cheek before jumping off the bed and scampering out of the room.

Confused I look over at Jace and Bell who have their heads together whispering back and forth. When Jace notices me looking he clears his throat and brings over the tray he’s still holding. Setting it down on the night stand he sits next to me and looks worried. Probably from what Bellamy has been filling him in on.

“Sam promised to fix her more nuggets after she visited you,” he explains, offering me up some of the food on the tray but I just shake my head. My stomach is in knots right now so the thought of eating makes me nauseous.

“I think you should cancel the pack meeting, I’m still not up for it. Maybe some more sleep,” I say rolling away from him and laying on my side.

“Whatever you say Alpha,” he comments, patting me on the side before moving away from the bed.

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