Page 36 of Dead Fall (The Quantico Files 2)

She hesitated a moment, then said, “I hear what you’re saying, but I really respect her. I ... I’d really like to be more like her.”

Logan shook his head. “You have an incredible reputation from your time with Kansas City, and I’ve watched your work since you got here. You’re so talented. Why can’t you see that?”

She looked away from him. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re right.” She swung her eyes back to meet his. “I have no one to model myself after, Logan. No father. A mother who checked out on me and eventually killed herself. A mentally ill aunt I had to take care of when I was only twelve. I guess my only identity has been based on my career. But the truth is, I’ve been playing a role for a long time, acting the way I thought someone like me is supposed to act.”

She took a deep, shaky breath. “I know what you’re going to say. That now I belong to God, and He has a plan for me. That I need to be like Him. I understand, and I totally agree with you. But I have no idea what a father is. I have nothing to refer to. I’ve admired Kaely Quinn for a long time. Can you blame me if I see her as a role model?”

“Ever since we started working together, you’ve battled your demons with strength and determination. And then Kaely Quinn comes along and your insecurities find a target. A person who seems to embody everything you want to be. I don’t want you to lose yourself by trying to be like someone else.”

Alex took another sip of tea and then leaned back in her chair. She gazed up at the ceiling for a moment. “You could be right. Maybe I’m trying too hard to pattern myself after Kaely. I just want to be the best I can be.”

“And you will be. But not by trying to imitate someone else. Listen, Alex, please don’t try Kaely’s method again. And tell her what happened, okay?”

“No,” she said quickly, her voice raised. “I don’t want her to know. She’ll think I’m pathetic.”

“I’m pretty sure she won’t. I believe she needs to know. Really.”

“I’ll think about it.” Her eyes narrowed. “So what about the voice? My imagination? Or something else?”

“Did Kaely mention having the same kind of experiences?”

Alex nodded.

“Then it could be either one. The story was in your head. Your imagination may have kicked in.”

“But you think it might have been...”

“Demonic? Yeah, it’s possible. But if you don’t do it again—”

“Then it won’t happen.”

“Yes. But again, Kaely knows more about this than I do. I’m sure she wouldn’t have shown you her way of profiling if she’d known you were susceptible to this kind of thing. Most people wouldn’t have had the same experience you had. I really think she can help you.”

“I’ll think about it.” She gave him a quick smile. “Thanks. I really appreciate being able to talk to you about this.” She sighed. “When I was a kid, I saw The Exorcist. I just want to make sure my head won’t start spinning around, and that I’m not going to suddenly spew pea soup everywhere.”

“Well, if you think the pea soup thing is going to happen, could you warn me first?”

For the first time since they’d sat down, Alex laughed. “You’ll be the first to know.”

“Good. I feel much better. I kind of like this sweater.”

She laughed again.

“You heard that Donald Reinhardt may be coming in tomorrow?” Logan said.

“Yeah, I think that’s wise since he’s indirectly mentioned in the message left at Mrs. Wong’s place.” She frowned. “So Monty’s rooming with you? I’ve been worried about him.”

“Yeah. He could have a room to himself, but he didn’t want to be alone. He’s a mess. Especially since he’s having to handle arrangements for his grandmother over the phone.”

“Well, surely he’ll be able to attend her funeral.”

Logan nodded. “Jeff told him he’ll have to be escorted there and back, but they’ll make sure he gets a chance to say good-bye. I’d like to go, but it might not be possible.”

“Poor guy. I’d like to attend too.”

“He called his parents, but it sounds like they aren’t interested enough to show up. I don’t get it.”

“I don’t either, but maybe they just can’t make it.”

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