Maybe I wasn’t getting the hang of it because I kept losing myself in how sexy Serious Manning could be.
“Got it?” he asked.
“Today is one of those beautiful fall days that’re gone before you know it,” I said.
He covered my hand with his, ignoring me. “Now, put it in first,” he said, pushing the stick to the left and up, “and slowly release the clutch.”
“The sun is shining; the temperature is that perfect place between warm and cool. Let’s go out on the lake.”
“All right,” he said. “Drive us there.”
I stuck out my tongue at him. We made it farther down our driveway this time, rattling over the gravel as the truck shuddered. But at the entrance to the street, I slammed on the brakes in a panic, vaulting us forward as we stalled.
He scratched his chin. “That was better, I guess . . .”
I put the truck in park and flopped over into his lap as my stomach somersaulted. “I’m getting carsick,” I said. “Why do I have to learn this again?”
“Because I’ve gone all around town bragging about what a badass wife I have. She can move to New York City all by herself. She applied for a loan while working a full-time job, then started her own practice. She saves people’s pets on a daily basis. But always in the back of my mind, I’m thinking, ‘if only she could drive a manual.’”
I laughed, pushing his chest. “Shut up.”
“Ooph.” He winced. “Easy, Sugar Ray.”
I laughed at his faux-pained expression and at the absurd idea that I could hurt him. “Sugar Ray?”
“The boxer, not the band.”
“You know they’re from Newport Beach?” I asked. “Tiffany claims she almost made out with the lead singer.”
“How does one almost make out?”
“Right?” I kicked my feet and giggled so hard that my eyes watered.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“I honestly don’t know,” I said. “I feel loopy from all the jerking around.”
He put a hand on my face, thumbing the apple of my cheek. “It’s good to see you laugh.”
It felt good to laugh. Not that Manning and I didn’t have fun. We’d gone drunk bowling a few weeks before and had shut down the alley before we’d come home and made love on every surface of the house. That had been fun. Regardless, fate’s dark cloud crept along with us, reminding us it wasn’t far away.
After another year of trying to have a child, Manning and I had decided to begin the adoption process. We’d been through a successful homestudy with an agency last year and had just received our third rejection from another birth mother. It turned out Manning’s past had hit us in the one place we hadn’t expected it to. Having a felony record didn’t exactly make us ideal candidates as parents.
As a last resort, we’d scheduled an appointment with my doctor to seriously discuss IVF.
I ran my fingers against the side of his scalp. His chest rumbled the way it sometimes did when I played with his hair. “You make me laugh,” I said. “You’re a good man, Manning.”
He nodded. “Because of you.”
I worried about what the rejections did to him since Manning had a history of beating himself up and blaming himself for things outside his control. Even though he’d remained optimistic, it was hard to forget all the strife he’d put us through thinking he didn’t deserve me. And now others were telling him he didn’t deserve to be a father. There was no way each rejection didn’t kill him just a little inside. He acted brave, but for nights after each of those phone calls, he loved me a little harder, and held me closer as we slept.
“They don’t know what they’re missing,” I said softly.
“I know. And I’m disappointed, because I really don’t want you to go through IVF.” He ran some of my hair through his palm, resting it over my breasts. “But it might be the only option left.”
“We’ll find our baby.”
“And it’ll be a lucky goddamn kid.”
Hearing him say that, my heart swelled. He’d come a long way since the days when he’d never let himself believe he deserved anything at all. I was grateful he’d finally found his hope in us. I wrapped my hand around his wrist and brought his palm to my lips. “Yes it will.”
“With a badass mom who can drive stick.”
“Point taken,” I said with a sigh. I grabbed the steering wheel to pull myself upright, but I sat forward too fast and a wave of nausea hit. Manning leaned in to kiss me as I covered my mouth and gagged.
“Jesus.” He drew away. “Way to kill a guy’s confidence.”
Shaking my head, I opened my door and leaned over the side. My stomach heaved as I prepared to throw up.
Manning slid over to rub my back. “I thought you were kidding about feeling sick.”