Page 218 of Those Who Are Bound

Elliott

Elliottsatontheback deck sipping a beer to counterbalance all the caffeine coursing through her veins. She knew she’d have privacy, that Killion wouldn’t disturb her peace while she was back here.

The day had been spent cleaning the house and straightening her head out; trying to get her feet back under herself. Becks was right about one thing: she needed to let go of a few things, and that meant her obsession with Jonah.

Because she would convince herself that he was a toy, a distraction, an obsession, just like the other men had been. Her parting words that had shocked him:don’t underestimate me…they were true.

He’d either sensed insanity or truth in her words and let her walk away.

Insanity. You’re insane.

Becks appeared in her doorway. He opened the door and stepped outside. Noting the beer, he made an ironic face and took a seat in the vacant chair. “That kind of day?”

“Only the one,” she assured him. She glanced back at the patio door as though able to divine the answer from it. “Where have you been all day?” She added conspiratorially, “I know where you were all night.”

He gave her a ghost of a smile. “Don’t give her a hard time about that.”

Elliott shook her head. “I wouldn’t.”

“I went to church with her this morning.”

Elliott rolled her eyes. “The hard time will be aboutthat. You, not her.” Taking a sip of her beer, she eyed him suspiciously. Then she pointed out, “Their service gets out at noon. It’s mid-afternoon.”

“Had a lunch date.”

“Look at you, Don Juan,” she teased.

Becks made a noise and rubbed the back of his neck, looking away.“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Elliott chewed on her bottom lip, a wave of guilt washing over her.

“I’m sorry, Becks.” And she was; he’d come to check in on her, and she’d been horrible to him. One day. She couldn’t have kept her shit together for one day?

“Don’t be sorry. I should have forewarned you; let you mentally prepare yourself to see me, here.” He frowned.

Here, where he’d been so many times before. But it was also intertwined with a past of theirs that had collided with the tragedy of her brother, of that horrible day. She wondered out loud, for the first time, “If that hadn’t happened, if… would anything have changed? Not that I want…”

Becks shook his head. “No telling.” But his glance askancewastelling.

In his mind, no. She wouldn’t have stopped. There had been no controlling her then. It’s what scared her so much now, losing control of that part of herself. Letting that demon off its leash again. “I am so sorry, Beckman.”

“No, kid, don’t do that. It was both of us, but this is a beginning. We aren’t always going to be easy, but I need to let it go, and so do you.”

She gave him a look. “It was not both of us, and you know it.”

“I made a decision that day, too.”

Elliott shook her head and looked away. She refused to have the same argument with Becks that she’d just had with Jonah. At the end of it, she wasn’t going to convince Becks that it was her that had set everything in motion that day. She was to blame for the events that had culminated in a cold grave in the middle of winter.

“Along those lines, I’m leaving you a couple of gifts. And Ellie, I need you to recognize them and accept them as gifts.”

She frowned at his riddle but didn’t have time to dwell as he kept going. “I’m going to spend tonight at Lucy’s.”

Dual sensations of guilt and sadness rocked through her. “So, this is goodbye?”

“For now, but I’m easy with her. I’m gonna enjoy that. But, the best thing? I can talk to her. I can talk to her about Gage. I didn’t realize how much I missed saying his name.”

Elliott swallowed hard and looked away.She’d told him to take her brother’s name out of his mouth.

---