Page 30 of Evermore: Heart of the Raven

He pats the bed next to him and draws me to his side again. A tiny portion of me relaxes slightly. Maybe I didn’t ruin everything. Maybe he just wants me to know that what happened today was not what he intended. Or what if he wants it all the time now? I don’t know if I could muster the courage to be that brave all the time.

He clicks off the decorating show he is watching and kisses my forehead. The room is plunged into utter darkness. His fingers rub tenderly along my upper arm and shoulder. I can’t stop the tremors ripping through my body.

“You’re shaking, Little Bird. What’s the matter?” he whispers.

“I’m fine,” I lie.

“Lainey, what’s happened to you?” His ragged breath whispers into the darkness.

“What do you mean? Do you mean today in the shower? Because if that upset you, I’m sorry. I’m not a tease, and I never would have done it except that you were so turned on after the massage. I don’t really know what possessed me to do it. I’ve been worried all day that … that you’re … I don’t know, disappointed in me somehow for being so … so brazen.”

He silences my inane ramblings with a hot kiss. “No, Raven. Today was amazing. I loved it. God, you’re incredible. Your touch totally undoes me. It’s so gentle. I think the fact that what you did was so unexpected is what made it almost … I don’t know. Magical? It was definitely special to me.”

My body physically sags onto him now that the weight of my worry is relieved.

“That’s what’s been worrying you? The hand job in the shower?”

I nod against him. “I don’t know. Sometimes, oftentimes, I second-guess the things I do.”

“Someone hurt you, didn’t he, Lainey? Someone made you feel like you’re not enough. Or what you are, who you are, is wrong. What you do is wrong. Didn’t he?”

I nod and find a tear emerging from my eye. I wipe it away and threaten the sad little girl inside me to stay her tears or else!

“What happened to you? Who did this to you?” Connor holds me close, and I feel safe here in his arms. Protected and treasured. It’s a feeling I’ve never before experienced in a man’s arms. All I want to do is enjoy it and keep all of my dark memories locked away.

“I don’t want to talk about it now,” I say quietly, praying he doesn’t detect the sadness in my voice.

“OK, Lainey Bird. But I want you to tell me when you’re ready. I want to know.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re wonderful, you know,” he says after a long silence.

“What?”

“You’re wonderful. You’re crazy talented, so smart, and you make me laugh. You challenge me, and I love that about you. You’re always surprising me. And I need you to know that I’ll never, ever regret asking you to go on this trip with me. No matter what. I have no doubt that I’ll drive you crazy enough to chew nails. And you’ll drive me nuts with all that talking. But that’s normal. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong. I’m not a big talker. But if you ever want to know what I’m thinking or feeling, just ask me. I want you to feel safe with me.”

I snuggle next to him helpless to stop the hot tears that drip against his T-shirt. “Thank you for saying that.”

I do feel safe. Safe feels like falling asleep in the lion’s arms again that night. And safe feels so good.

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